Not Alone Series: Help!

Holycowit'sTuesday.Whew! Linking up with Morgan at Follow and Believe and Jen at Jumping in Puddles for this week's Not Alone Series.

What ways do you run to implore the Lord's help when you are struggling? Do you always spend time in Adoration? Do you dive into the Bible? Automatically go to Confession? Could you be better? How? And what about those times when things are good and you are joyous? Do you still give the Lord your time?

Yesterday... Monday from hell, friends. In the office and in my community, it was a horrendous day. Was I asking Jesus for help, wisdom, direction, peace? That would be a hell yes. Was I still frustrated and sad and hurt and angry? Another hell yes.

As much as I would have loved to sit down and pray quietly for several minutes {or days}, that wasn't an option. Work still has to be done, the world still turns, and sometimes your sister's car breaks down and you end up skipping Zumba to give her a ride. As Forrest Gump says about bad things in life, "It happens."

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K now let's be really real. I have lots of room for improvement in the Scripture-reading and praying departments. My default exclamation is four letters long, which is too short for "Praise God!" My first thought when something goes wrong is "ugh," not "Jesus, help me." And when something goes right, it takes far too long for me to remember to thank God. 

Am I getting better? I hope so. Do I have an action plan? That will be one of my goals for 2015, but I am not going to wait 6 weeks to start adjusting my reactions. Help me out here, blogging friends - how do you change your defaults?

Finish This: Week Forty-four

Celebrating/enduring Hump Day with this awesome link-up hosted by Jen at The Arizona Russums, Nicole at Three 31, Lisa at Coastlined, and Becky at The Java Mama.

{Kids} makes me smile because they are hysterical. I love how they are determined either not to wear any clothes or only one specific item of clothing. I love how they mispronounce words. I love how they get excited about anything and everything.

I put my trust in Jesus, friends, and chocolate, in that order.

I don't want to have regrets about not trying something; I'd rather have failed attempts than zero attempts.
As I write this, I'm thinking I say that's what I want, but is that how I live? The answer is: sometimes. I'd rather try and make a new friend than not have any - that's an area of strength. However, I hate failing, so lots of times I won't even try, like a new recipe or new hobby - this is an area of weakness. So... I'm working on living it.

There you have it - check out the link-up for more!

Not Alone Series: Good Ol' Deal Breakers

Linking up with the faithful Jen at Jumping in Puddles and Morgan at Follow and Believe!

We have chatted about our deal breakers/non-negotiables before, but how do you keep from letting your standards fall? What prevents you from just dating any guy out there? What keeps you going?

Can we get real for this post? How many of us make this face when a TDH walks in?

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Like, wowza. I would totally make that face if Benedict was in my vicinity, lezbihonest. 

But hold the phone - does that TDH love Jesus? Because no matter how cute he is, cuteness is not going to sustain a relationship for any amount of time. And neither does niceness or money or sweet wheels or a rocking job or a vacation home in Spain. Jesus is the best foundation for any relationship, and really the only One upon which I want to build a marriage. 

My list of deal breakers is pretty short, and so is my list of keeping up standards. It's all pretty simple, really. 

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What about you? Join the conversation and the link-up over at Jen's. 

Finish This: Week Forty

Holy smokes, 2014 is almost over! 40 weeks into a 52 week year... my math brain doesn't want to work, but I'm confident that's a fraction that almost equals 1. Wow.

As is Wednesday's habit, I am linking up with the wonderful hostesses of Finish This: Nicole at Three 31, Jen at The Arizona Russums, Becky at The Java Mama, and Lisa at Coastlined.

I can change the world by glorifying Christ in my life. Jesus is the most amazing Person ever - He doesn't sweep into life dramatically {ok, the manger thing might have been a little dramatic} and turn it upside down; He moves into a heart and slowly but surely life is different.

The best career advice I ever received was dress for the job you want, not the job you have.

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I first fell in love with my bosom friend's son when I held him the morning he was born. Read about that {and my dog sitting adventure} in this post. 

That's all, folks! Leave some comment love, and see you next Wednesday. 

Finish This: {Belated} Week Thirty-two

Skidding in late to join the link-up party hosted by Nicole at Three 31, Jen at The Arizona Russums, Becky at The Java Mama, and Lisa at Coastlined.

13 Things to Know About Me {in 13 sentences}:

1. The biggest love of my life is Jesus, followed closely by Lee Pace, ice cream, and blogs.

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2. I have three sisters, and you'll often hear me refer to something funny/amazing/brilliant that "my sister" said, and you'll probably have to stop me and ask which funny/amazing/brilliant sister I'm talking about.

3. Usually, I'm in the middle of at least 3 books.

4. Even though I have an iPhone, I still keep my schedule on a paper calendar/day planner.

5. One of my favorite memories with my bestie is watching "Leap Year" together over the internet on Leap Day, 2012.

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6. My friend Whitney pierced my ear cartilage in an epic tale involving hotel bathrooms and "Parent Trap" flashbacks. 

7. I'm convinced that there isn't a problem in life that can't be soothed/healed/improved with some sea salt chocolate and Menage a Trois.

8. Today I will attend a training so I can be a volunteer "baby cuddler" at the NICU!

9. Only four more weeks of Bradley classes - once these are over, I'm hoping to start BAI's online program within a month. 

10. I really love Birdy, and currently this song is on repeat:

11. When I really want to suffer feel the burn, I do this ab series, follow it with this leg and glute combo, and end my pain burn session with this arm routine. 

12. Laundry is soothing to me, no joke. 

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13. I have approximately three more posts drafted in my head, so it's a good thing we have reached #13 because my brain is D-U-N done. 

That's a wrap for Week Thirty-two - come back next time {meaning in two days} for another round of Finish This!

Finish This: Week Twenty

Holy guacamole, Batman! We are at Week Twenty already!!

Linking up with Jen at The Arizona Russums, Becky at The Java Mama, Lisa at Coastlined, and Nicole at Three 31 to answer these fun prompts.

new image created by Becky!

My favorite recipe is crack popcorn to make myself, and my mom's enchiladas to enjoy without the work beforehand. When I'm a real live grown-up, I will attempt to make those enchiladas, but for now, I will just invite myself over when they're on the menu.

I believe in the grace of God to save me daily. I believe in long walks on the beach, wine recommended. I believe in Doctor Who. I believe in making my bed every day. I believe in dining outside whenever possible. I believe in friends and their ability to make me think more deeply about any topic of conversation. I believe in chai lattes. I believe in getting out of my comfort zone to make a difference. I believe in painted toenails. I believe in the ability of bosom friends to stay connected across 2,000 miles via a couple of phones.

I need to set boundaries when it's all work and no play. My tendency is to not turn away a job opportunity {babysitting or tutoring, etc.}, but I'm realizing that things that are important to me are actually important, and so I'm making them more of a priority.

I began living when I started watching Doctor Who. Just kidding! Life really began when I got serious about my relationship with Jesus around age 12. On a practical note, I realized I was an actual adult when I moved into my own place with my bestie.

There you have it! If you want to join this link-up fun-sesh, you can add your link on Nicole's blog or finish these prompts in the comments.  Thanks for coming!

Not Alone Series: Selfishness

Linking up with Jen at Jumping in Puddles and Morgan at Follow and Believe.

How do you combat being selfish with your time? As a single person, it's easy to get caught up in our own little independent world. There are those moments when we are needed for extra church things, hanging with our friends' kids, getting caught up with something on the one night we could stay in, etc., and we get frustrated that the needs of others are taking away from our own time. How do you avoid this selfish tendency and what do you do to avoid becoming frustrated with "sharing" your time with others?

Since I had a lot of positive feedback on last week's prompt {great big thank you for all the sweet comments!}, I trust that you will read with grace this week.

For the most part, I think I do okay at this. I'm part of the childcare ministry. There is a family at church whose kids I adore, so I'll "donate" a few hours of babysitting time. In the next few weeks, I'm going to start volunteering at the local hospital as a baby cuddler, and of course there's Care Net {sensing a theme, maybe?}. Most of the time I'm aware that singleness is a season and that I won't always have opportunities to get involved with different organization like I do now. I'm grateful for this time where I can juggle several different commitments.

However, I struggle with serving my grandma with a good attitude. There, I said it. It's easy for me to get involved with church or volunteer activities because I'm a people person and there are people involved in each capacity :) But when my grandma asks me to help her with something, internally I'm sighing and rolling my eyes and wishing that she would utilize one of her granddaughters who lives with her. I'm selfish because I would rather not help my grandma.

How lame, Bek. You don't like to help your 90-year-old grandmother.

I know. And I'm working on it. I'm remembering that she is 90, that someday I will be grateful for all the time I got with her, that someday should become rightthisminute. I'm working on it. I'm trying to concentrate on what a wonderful lady my grandma is and how much she can teach me and how glad I am that she's asking me to drive her places instead of wanting to drive herself {it took a while for my grandpa to give up the keys, but thankfully Grandma willingly asks for rides}. I'm grateful that Grandma is still here with us and that she's healthy and active and participating in the Daughters of the American Revolution and asking me for help with the computer because how many 90-year-olds ask email questions?!?

I combat selfishness with gratitude and the grace of God. It's an ongoing battle, but I know that I can do all things through Christ Who strengthens me.

Want to join the link-up? Answer the prompt and share the link to that post on Morgan or Jen's page. Hope to see you there!

Not Alone Series: Deal Breakers

Linking up with Jen at Jumping in Puddles and Morgan at Follow and Believe.

{Before we jump into this week's prompt, give me two seconds to toot my own horn. Today I wrote a guest post for Victoria's blog. Care to read something short and humorous? {And I'm not just saying that - it really is both short and humorous, like me!} Head her way!}

We have all thought about our list of qualities for a future spouse {or maybe religious community}, but those things can be pretty limiting on who God has planned for you. Instead, think about the few things that are so important to you that if a guy you were considering dating {or a community you were entering} didn't have these things, you would have to move on. Why are these things important to you?

Alright, you caught me. I have a list. It's a list that I made several times during my angsty and anxious teens, and then a couple more times as a wise {cough} college freshman. And since that time, I've not really looked at it. I know what's on it. God knows what's on it. These character traits that I seek in a husband are really beyond my control, so I don't worry about them. God know what I need even better than that list does, and I'd definitely rather have God bring the man He has for me than someone who can check off everything on the list.

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That being said, there are a few things that Mr. TDH needs to have going on before he's considered.  My pastor called these non-negotiables, and that's how I think of them. There are the traits that are absolutely non-negotiable and there are things that are negotiable. Because I don't know where God is going to lead me/us, I don't want to limit Him with my lists. The things on my list are important, but trusting God is more important, and the most important item on my list is a relationship with Jesus. No close relationship with Jesus = no close relationship with Bek.

A group of gals went through the book Lady In Waiting last summer, and while the book was cheesy {SO cheesy!}, some great discussions came from it, and our fearless and lovely leader encouraged us to ask ourselves how we are preparing to be excellent wives. Am I learning skills and character qualities that my TDH will be looking for, or am I just focusing on what I want in him? That's a convicting thought, and something I pray about regularly.

That's all, folks! Thanks for reading, and be sure to show our hostesses some link-up love.

Finish This: Week Eight

Linking up with Jen at The Arizona Russums, Becky at The Java Mama, Nicole at Three 31, and Lisa at COASTLINED.

Five Things I Know For Sure:

1. No matter the question or problem, Jesus is the answer and the solution. There is nothing He can't handle, which is great because there are lots of things I can't handle. Trusting Him is always worth it.

2. Speaking of Jesus, I'm sure that He invented massages. They are divine. That's all I have to say 'bout that.

3. Ten will always be my favorite Doctor. Nine and Eleven were awesome, and I have high hopes for Twelve, but there's no one like Ten. {If you're a Whovian, you can read my farewell and Samara's tribute to Ten.}

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4. Surprises are awesome. As I alluded to last week, I went down to Kentucky to surprise my bosom friend as an early birthday present. If you can believe it, I kept my big mouth {both my physical mouth and my blogging/social media mouth} shut and she was totally surprised! Post forthcoming on this, never fear.

5. I'm not afraid to speak up if I see something wrong. Yesterday on the plane home, there were two guys behind me talking loudly about their workout plans, their life goals, their travels, their wives, their favorite colors, their childhood fears, what they wanted to be when they grew up, what shaving cream they used, and on and on and on... I'm notevenjoking. It was horrendous.

After about 45 minutes of this {I gave them the benefit of the doubt that they might shut the heck up quiet down after we took off}, I asked the gal next to me if these guys were, in fact, really loud. She confirmed my suspicions, and so I turned around and gave them my best "I'm smiling to be polite, not because I like you in any way, shape, or form" smile and said "Would you gentlemen mind lowering your voices, please?" They said "sure," and seriously not 5 minutes later they had ceased. all. their. talking. It was the best.

There you have it: five things I know for sure! Come back next week for some new prompts.

Blog Every Day Feb: Day Ten - This Season

Linking up with Bailey Jean!

"What are you learning this season?" Great question, Bailey!

First, let me describe my season. I think I did a little bit yesterday with the "day in the life" post and another little bit with my birthday post. This is a season of maturing {living on your own does that} and growing in strengths and passions {volunteering at the clinic, learning how I can do more}. It's a season of learning who I am and how I tick {see goals for this year} and a season of anticipation for what's coming ahead {post coming on that}.

So what am I learning in all this? I'm learning and reviewing and re-learning that God is good and that He has the best plans for me, and that nothing I come up with will be close to His plans. My trust in Him is growing and multiplying and is becoming my default, my MO, my fall-back.

When I get nervous about the future, more and more quickly I'm remembering to turn to God. My prayers have grown more frequent, more guttural, and more desperate, and His answers are more soothing, more caring, and more precise.

Jesus and I just spent the weekend together, and while it was a lovely time of reading, writing, praying, and seeking, I want still more. And isn't that the best? Because Jesus gives of Himself and I taste and see that He is good and I become thirsty for more of Him and He always has more to give.

So to answer Bailey's initial question, I am learning that I need Him more and He has more to give.

What are you learning in this season?

7 Quick Takes: Encouragement, Tom Baker, and Humility

Linking up with Jen at Conversion Diary for 7 Quick Takes!

One: The last paragraph of this post is amazing. She resolves the conflict I so often feel, that I need to go somewhere to help but I also am burdened to stay and bring positive change. She says it so simply: "I can choose both here and there - because I have enough and can share with others." Beautiful, peace-filled words. Thank you,  Emily.

Two: Just when you thought Pope Francis couldn't get any more awesome, he does. Bam.

Three: Wow. The articles you find at work but apply to life. This is really cool.

Four: This weekend, Samara and I are going on our Jesus retreat!!! I'm so excited to spend some quality time with my best Friend and my bff :) My goal for this weekend is to work on some of my life goals with Jesus, as well as get some specific answers to some things I've been mulling over {side note: isn't that a great expression? I feel like drinking some wonderful sangria while mulling over deep and intense thoughts}.

Five: For my birthday last month, my youngest sister ordered me a phone case. I know this because she asked me what I wanted and I told her...and then I sent her the links to my favorite cases...and then she told me that she ordered one of them. We're cool like that - the surprise is discovering which one she ordered :) All this is to say that it finally arrived in the mail! So I'll be swinging by my parents' house this evening and having an abridged and delayed birthday celebration - picture forthcoming!

Six: Since I finished my TARDIS purse and my sister's birthday scarf, I'm itching for my next crochet project. I'm thinking that I should make Tom Baker's Doctor's scarf, especially since I have half the colors already. If anyone wants to donate yarn to the Doctor Who cause, I'll make something for you!

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Seven: Next week is Valentine's Day, and since it's on a Friday {meaning 7QT Day}, I won't spill the details of what my gal-pals {oh, hey there, 90's expression, long time no see} and I are doing, but just know that it's awesome. And you should know that it was my idea. And you should also know that humility is my most prominent character trait. Others have told me that; I had no idea. But I did have the idea for Valentine's Day. Wow, full circle, looks like it's time for this post to end riiiiiiight now. 

Happy Friday and happy weekend!

Finish This: Week 3

I have so enjoyed this weekly link-up with Jen, Nicole, Lisa, and Becky, and I hope you are enjoying it as well. Check out Week 1 and Week 2, and then get someone else's perspective from the link-up here.

A typical day in my life has at least two plots going on in my head. I've got an audio book playing in the car and a paperback also in the car, but to be read when not in the car {safety first!}.

You'll never see me with fingernails longer than my finger. Piano lessons from my youth spoiled all chances of me tolerating even semi-long nails. Sorry, Mom!

It's really unattractive when a guy doesn't make eye contact. It's really unattractive when a girl interrupts.

If I could buy one thing right now, it would be a bookshelf that matches this one that I got for a steal.

I have high expectations for an upcoming weekend retreat with Samara and Jesus!

There you have it. Happy Wednesday!

Thursday = Volunteer Day

Some of you know this already, but in case you don't, here's the scoop.

On Thursdays, I volunteer at a crisis pregnancy clinic. So far I'm still in training, but it's still one of my favorite parts of the week. The atmosphere in the clinic is so peaceful and welcoming; each time I arrive I think of the hours and hours of prayer and preparation that went into opening this new-to-the-area clinic. The grounds have been soaked in prayers of preparation, and it is evident even in the parking lot.

Last week, I got to shadow the director with a client for the very first time. It was a surreal experience for me, partly because I've been volunteering since April and hadn't seen a client yet, and partly because seeing a client is what I've been praying and preparing and training for since last September {I did my Care Net training before my internship in the Frozen Tundra}.

And it was also surreal because this was the first time I encountered someone facing a crisis pregnancy. We hear about these women all the time {or at least, I do because that's what I'm interested in}, but last week put a face to my prayers. This girl was not an example in my training manual; she was not even someone my director or fellow volunteers had met. This was a girl sitting on the couch a foot away from me, considering her options.

Because of privacy laws, I can't tell you more than that. But I can ask you for your prayers, for this girl and her situation as well as for me. I cannot fully describe to you how it is both intimidating and peaceful in the counseling room. There is pressure to say the right things, respond the right way, make your face look calm but involved, concerned but not freaked out, neutral but caring. But there is such peace, because Jesus is in the room too, and He is so, so faithful to prompt the right words and responses, and His heart shines out through our faces.

Psalm 27:13 ~ 

"I believe that 

I shall look upon

 the goodness of the Lord

 in the land of the living!" 

{ESV} 

Work

My BFF just posted her amazing and brilliant thoughts. Read her and then check out my response. This started as a comment, and then I realized that I was finally articulate what I was trying to say in the second half of this previous post, so please enjoy my fuller articulation here.

My thoughts tend towards "what am i actually accomplishing with my life? why am i going work doing something that i'm not very passionate about when i could be, oh i don't know, living in Africa feeding children, or volunteering at a crisis pregnancy center, or building relationships with people. "Work" seems so pointless when it just involves email!

But then I realize, this is why I'm in Business Leadership School right now- work has eternal value, God is a worker, and THIS place is my ministry! It doesn't feel like it right now when I have one co-worker who is a strong Christian, but it is, and it will be, and i know that God has great plans for me and they start HERE, in the office, in my inbox, in my heart.

I realized that there is was dualism in my heart, that I was separating in my mind the work done in a business and the work done blatantly and openly as a ministry. WRONG! God's ministry is wherever He has placed you, and how stupid of me for not recognizing my own feelings of frustrations and applying the teachings that I'm hearing. Duh, Bek!

So there. I think that I've said enough. What do you say?

Unexpected Grief

Yesterday I found out that one of my students {from my college job as a TA} died suddenly in his dorm. I don't have many details, just that foul play was not suspected and that the family has been notified.

I didn't know this student extremely well, but I know he was a good student and a nice guy. He wasn't embarrassed when I would say hi to him outside of class, and he was a fairly good writer.

What else can I say? My relationship with him was not close, but I was in close proximity to him for a full semester. I grieve for his family and friends, and for my campus as a whole. Their spring break starts next week; what a somber break it will be for some!

This may sound strange, but when I was driving home last night and talking to Jesus about him, I said Lord, I hope he's with You! And the Lord said he is. At first I didn't know what to think, because I believe that everyone is going to live for eternity; it's just a matter of where you'll be living that you can change.
I thought also that maybe I was answering myself, trying to comfort my shocked brain. But then I thought, well, I'll find out someday. And {although I'm ashamed to admit it} face.book confirmed that this young man identified himself as a Christian, and I think of how sweet God is, that He would tell me this and comfort me, and I think how shameful it is that I believed face.book more readily than the voice of God, and I am humbled by the love and mercy of God that forgives my unbelief.

Please keep this family and community in your prayers.

When I'm Wrong

Been working from home for about 9 business days now {thankfully back in the office this week-got a little too stir crazy last week!} and I had a lot of time to think. And God was is dealing with some stuff in me, and so that leads to even more thinking. So here are some of my revelations

First of all, God knows what He's doing, and I don't, and that's enough. I trust Him.

This may surprise some of you {ok let's be real: none of you}, but I've made mistakes. in the past. in my life. yeah. shocker.

Specifically, I've realized that I have not always "assumed goodwill" about people, and that because I was assuming ill-will, I've been unkind. There are a couple specific instances I'm thinking of, but I'm sure that there are more.

So now what? I know that I made mistakes; what do I do now?

First and most importantly, I repent. Jesus is Who I've ultimately sinned against, and so I ask for His forgiveness and grace to change.

Usually the next step would be to go to the people I've wronged, and I am going to do that when appropriate, but since I live in the Frozen Tundra for another three weeks, I'm going to wait until I'm home.

Obviously, my behavior needs to change. And that begins in my heart and mind. I need to think differently so that I begin to act differently. So I'm asking the Lord to come in and change my mind, to continue to reveal the areas where I've been wrong, to help me become more like Him.

Thanks for listening.

Comfort Zone

The company that I'm interning for is really focused on leadership, both personal leadership and business leadership. The owner is a great, godly man who is dedicated to growing leaders, and he has done hundreds and thousands of webinars, seminars, speeches, blog posts, newsletters, emails, and more all about developing leaders and growing people. He's fabulous.

So my task this week has been to go through and create a catalog of all the videos we have, and -you guessed it- the vast majority of them are of our owner speaking about leadership.

So I ponder...

In my Business 101 class {waaaay back during freshman year}, I learned that there are basically three specialties of business people:

1. People who start businesses {usually start, get it going, sell after a few years and move on to start something else}
2. People who run businesses {these are the people who buy the existing business & run with it}
3. People who rescue businesses from extinction 

My Business 101 class discussed this, and my teacher pointed out how rare it is for one person to have all three abilities, and that's what made Steve Jobs so amazing-he did all three.

I remember talking with my mom after that class and saying "You and Dad have told me I would own my own business, and I guess I always thought that meant I had to start it, but now I think that I would be good at running it without starting it!" Light bulb!

fast forward to now

The owner of this company is a true visionary. He has so many ideas, and he is always looking forward. He sees things way down the road and then sees where the end will end and then starts to make a new road. It is amazing.

It is not easy or natural for me to look that far down the road. Well, sometimes I try to convince God to let me plan out my whole life, but He just chuckles at me. But when I think about where I want to be in 20 years, I have a few ideas, but that's it. I think part of that is the learn-to-trust-God thing.
It feels like I see dots out in my future, but I don't know how they're all connected. There are many locations around the world that have my heart, and I don't know how God is going to use it all.

But let's get back to the business aspect. L and I have talked about this, and neither of us want to be THE person responsible for a whole organization. I would love to be in charge of something {can't help it- firstborn, administrator, management major}  but I want to answer to someone. I want someone else to tell me "This is the long term vision" and then I will say "Awesome. Here I go to do it."

But is that what God has called me to? Am I supposed to be THE person responsible for a whole organization?

These are a few things that I know and will hold fast to:

• God made different personalities and there is nothing wrong with having one and not another
• God has called me to do something and bit by bit, He's revealing it to me
• What God calls me to might will probably be uncomfortable
• God's grace is sufficient and His strength is made perfect in my weakness

just some thoughts...

The Best of Times, The Worst of Times

Friends, my paternal grandpa will not be on this earth much longer. As some of you may know, he has lived with Alzheimer's disease for the past few years, and while that affects the mind, his physical self was not doing so well either. The weekend before I came back to the Frozen Tundra, I went to visit Grandma and Grandpa, and Grandpa was...in a bad spot. I had never seen him like that, and I'm so grateful that Grandma and I could call for the nurse and make sure nothing was wrong.

He has gone up and down since then {has it really only been a couple of weeks???} and my mom keeps me updated, and from what I can tell, Grandpa is ready to meet Jesus face to face, and his body agrees. He could last a few more days, or he could be with us for a few more months. It just seems like the time is closer rather than farther, so I ask for prayer.

Please pray for my family, especially my parents and my grandma. Please pray that every step of this journey will be peaceful and that the pain will be eased by the knowledge that we will see Grandpa again in Heaven. That's what makes this season the best of times and the worst of times. It's so, so wonderful to know that even when Grandpa dies, we will see him again in Heaven, that he will really be himself without the horrid Alzheimer's disease, and that he will not be in pain; his hip won't bother him and he won't have to take pills. But it's awful to think that Grandpa probably won't meet my husband or kids; it's hard to think of family gatherings without him. And it's worst of all to think of my dad losing his dad. So please pray for my family in this journey of letting go of Grandpa, of rejoicing with him and grieving with each other. We are at peace, we are happy for him, and we are sad for us. Thank you for your prayers.

It’s Always Darkest Before the Dawn

Well, yesterday felt pretty dark, eh? True that. But you know what? God is still good, and He’s still the One in control, so why fret? {ps I think that “fret” is probably one of my favorite words to use.}

I found this lovely image yesterday and it is now my desktop.



It’s from the Kim Walker song {called I Surrender –shocking, ain’t it} off the album Here Is My Song. Check it out. It’s amazing. In fact, it’s so amazing that I’ll include a link to the youtube version. Be sure to check out the Spontaneous Song that goes with this one… more incredible, if that’s even possible.

So, in terms of life and stuff….

I’ve emailed some people at Bound4Life & JHOP-DC, and am waiting to hear back from them. Ironically, or not, the #shereadstruth for today was about Psalm 27 and waiting on the Lord. Why yes, that does seem to be a theme for me! God is so cool and funny and witty, even. Go, God!

Another happy note: I have a phone date with AJ!!!!!!!! Woot woot! I was so excited when I woke up this morning, and I get to talk to her in less than an hour! With the time difference, we had to coordinate around nap time and my work time, but we’re gonna do it and talk on the phone, but for realz!!! Ah. So excited.
Because of that phone call, I need to get dressed. No, she won’t be able to see me when we talk, but I have to leave for work right after our conversation, so I need to get ready now. Capice? Good. Peace out!

What a Week

Thank God for those brief respites where you can sit back and think, a heck of a lot just happened in {however many days} and I’m just gonna sit her for a second…

As you know, I went on a road trip with my bestie last weekend. Then on Tuesday, another friend and I left for Orlando. It was a red-eye flight, but something made it better- at our layover, we got to see a friend! He’s in the Army and was on his way home! It was sooooo good to see him; I had been bummed that we were missing him by a day. But God is good, and we got to hang out for almost an hour while we waited for our connections. Thank You Jesus for surprise encounters!

So I just got back from Florida Monday night (as in, Tuesday morning) and yesterday went to work. For an hour. Then I came home and took a nap. :)

Some of you may know that I was working on my application for a job in Wash. D.C. Well, I found out yesterday that the position has been filled. Yup. No job there. So my dad and I were talking about it, and I started crying and I was like, Dad, I just don’t know what I’m doing anymore!  And Dad, being the wise, amazing dad that he is, said, you miss the structure of school. That’s all. You’ll get into the structure of home pretty soon. That was reassuring, a bit. But at the same time, I’m still disappointed that the position filled before I even had a chance. And then I’m mad at myself, because my original goal was to apply by the end of June, and I wonder if I had actually done that if I would have had a chance. But oh well. Those are “what-ifs” and I try not to play that game any more.

Yesterday, in my depression and upset-ed-ness, I kept thinking, I want to move back to my Other Home!!! and while part of that is true, I know that it’s really just me wanting to run away from tough situations here, and that moving is not for right now. But friends in my Other Home, know that I miss you all like craaaaazy and am praying about the right time to come back. Because oh yeah, that internship nearby? Not a guarantee. And I’m the type of person who likes to write things on my Life Calendar in permanent marker, not pencil, so hearing that was like, really? is nothing for sure??? And that makes me nervous and frustrated, and sad, because I don’t know when I’m going to see my Other Families again, and I’d love to curl up into a ball right now and sob my eyes out. But I have to go to work today, so I shouldn't. But you understand, I’m sure. Everyone’s been here, or is going to be here in this position, so I know I’m not alone.

Thank You Jesus for my parents and their wisdom.

Well, I don’t really have a strong conclusion to this post. Pray for me if you think of it, please. I appreciate it.
Hopefully I’ll have news by the next post.