Earlier today, I was stuck in a basement classroom, missing class, listening to the tornado sirens blare and my students either freak out or laugh in dismissal.
This isn't exactly how I thought Leap Year 2012 would go down, but I guess the weather wanted to have a party, so yeah. Moving right along.
My BFF and I are going to watch the movie “Leap Year” over the phone “together.” Yep. We are that cool. I’m so grateful for her. You can check out her awesome and beautiful self on her blog. Shout out to Lola! :)
This weekend is a church conference. I’m really excited to go, but right now I’m concerned about how to get ahead in my homework for it. Should I catch up on my capstone reading {level: intense}? Or should I read my two chapters for com class and be ahead {level: enjoyable and short}? Or do I work on my research paper that really should not be as hard as I’m making it {level: theoretically not bad, but really causing frustration}?
While I ponder my homework choices, I’m multi-tasking. Literally. I've got two loads of laundry in the washer right now- mad skill, I know. Oh, and now that I think about it, I can also be painting my nails. You don’t need to use your toes to read or research, so yeah. Try not to be blown away with my skills…
Sitting on my desk right now is a candlestick. A candlestick that I made. Heck to the yeah. My crafts class is seriously my favorite thing ever. The professor {a super cool guy!} told me today “you’re a pleasure to have in class!” How sweet is that! He’s a pleasure to have as a teacher, so I guess it’s mutual. Oh, and the super secret project that I’m working on is coming along! The prof said we may even use my piece in the demonstration on Friday, so yippee ki yay! And I’m taking pictures along the way, so once it’s not a secret anymore, you’ll get to see the whole process! So excited about that. It’s so freaking cool!
I talked with my amazing friend in Cali yesterday evening. We are going through such a similar process it’s scary. and cool. and crazy. and we are both realllllly excited to see what God’s going to do in our lives.
My sis emailed me these two songs, found here and here. I really like them both; the second one is pretty intense and amazing. Thank you, sis!
K, well, thanks for the help deciding which homework task to tackle first. As fun as blogging is, it doesn't help me graduate. and that is the goal, after all. So yeah. I’m off to paint the little toesies and to read…something. Whatever. This weekend will be awesome. Today is awesome. Tornado sirens included. Yeah. Peace out.
Wednesday, February 29, 2012
Tuesday, February 28, 2012
Gee, God, You’re hysterical
God is so funny sometimes. He’s funny sometimes in the omg God You have a great sense of humor- what a great joke on life sense, and then He’s funny in the, gee, thanks, God. I know You called me to this; why don’t you just confirm in in like two different places by two strangers who don’t know each other ONLINE of all places! Yeah. He’s really funny. I love Him.
On Sunday, the Lord and I had one of those conversations. You know, the ones where you’ll look back and say that was the point when things changed. Today, I open up some blogs that I follow, and I read a post by Jami found here and another post by Heather found here. So yeah. Go check them out. Both these ladies are awesome, and God used them today to speak to my heart. Thank you, ladies!
On Sunday, the Lord and I had one of those conversations. You know, the ones where you’ll look back and say that was the point when things changed. Today, I open up some blogs that I follow, and I read a post by Jami found here and another post by Heather found here. So yeah. Go check them out. Both these ladies are awesome, and God used them today to speak to my heart. Thank you, ladies!
Tuesday, February 21, 2012
Thank God it’s almost Spring Break
It’s that point in the semester. You know, the point where you think, can any more be piled on top of my plate right now? Oh, apparently yes. Thanks. Yeah. That point.
The point where you’re trying to work ahead in order to stay afloat, and while nothing super bad has happened, you can feel its inevitable arrival and the slowwww drift downward into chaos…
The point where you make a to-do list in order to clear your brain out but in the end you freak your brain out because holy {expletive of your choice} that is a heck of a lot on this list!
The point where you turn on worship music and pray for peace inside your head.
The point where sleep is both the best thing ever and the worst thing ever, because it’s pretty much all your heart can desire, but it means you’re not doing the things on that to-do list.
The point where those “keep calm and carry on” signs begin to have real meaning…
The point where priorities are revealed… do I use my spare minutes to read Les Miserables in order to accomplish my goal of having it done by graduation {which is in 74 days, btdubs!} or do I read ahead in whatever class, or do I clock in and read the book my students are reading {the one that I’m almost-hopelessly behind in}?
Any way. That’s the point in the semester that I’m in. On a more happy note, this weekend is going to be amazing and that’s what I keep telling myself as I get bogged down in the craziness… and it maybe sorta adds to the craziness because I want to get stuff done so I can have fun this weekend, and so I get worked up in both a good way and a bad way thinking about it. But mainly good way, and the best part is, there are no classes next Tuesday, so if push comes to shove, I can hole up in my lovely little dorm room and crank stuff out.
Like I cranked out two pages of my research paper on Saturday. *pat on the back* That’s 20% done, baby. Heck to the yes. And I’m on track for reading for by biz capstone course. *hi-five* And my favorite class is awesome, and we’re making super cool stuff and I will tell you all more about that when goals have been accomplished.
Note: this was not a bragging sesh; this was a hey, Bek, you can do it; you’re staying afloat talk. Thanks for listening. ;)
Oh yeah, about the title of this post. Spring Break is in like 3 weeks. Praise. Jesus. For. Real.
I’m going on an airplane to see my mumzy and her parentals, so it should be fun. Apparently it’s becoming a tradition while I’m at school away from home, because this is what I did last year, too. But I guess that tradition is about to end, because this is my LAST SPRING BREAK. Ahhhhh. Part of me is happy and part of me is sad. Because that means that I’m almost done with college, and again, that makes part of me happy and part of me sad. But I know that my sisters will be in school for a while, so I can always take Spring Break trips with them {why, yes, there are benefits to being the oldest sis!} so it’s not completely over.
Well, this lovely break from homework has taken almost 20 minutes, so I should say adieu and get some reading done.{(I decided that I will “shake a tower”{lemme know if you figure out what that means} and then I will clock in and read my students’ book.} Thanks for listening, friends. Good night.
The point where you’re trying to work ahead in order to stay afloat, and while nothing super bad has happened, you can feel its inevitable arrival and the slowwww drift downward into chaos…
The point where you make a to-do list in order to clear your brain out but in the end you freak your brain out because holy {expletive of your choice} that is a heck of a lot on this list!
The point where you turn on worship music and pray for peace inside your head.
The point where sleep is both the best thing ever and the worst thing ever, because it’s pretty much all your heart can desire, but it means you’re not doing the things on that to-do list.
The point where those “keep calm and carry on” signs begin to have real meaning…
The point where priorities are revealed… do I use my spare minutes to read Les Miserables in order to accomplish my goal of having it done by graduation {which is in 74 days, btdubs!} or do I read ahead in whatever class, or do I clock in and read the book my students are reading {the one that I’m almost-hopelessly behind in}?
Any way. That’s the point in the semester that I’m in. On a more happy note, this weekend is going to be amazing and that’s what I keep telling myself as I get bogged down in the craziness… and it maybe sorta adds to the craziness because I want to get stuff done so I can have fun this weekend, and so I get worked up in both a good way and a bad way thinking about it. But mainly good way, and the best part is, there are no classes next Tuesday, so if push comes to shove, I can hole up in my lovely little dorm room and crank stuff out.
Like I cranked out two pages of my research paper on Saturday. *pat on the back* That’s 20% done, baby. Heck to the yes. And I’m on track for reading for by biz capstone course. *hi-five* And my favorite class is awesome, and we’re making super cool stuff and I will tell you all more about that when goals have been accomplished.
Note: this was not a bragging sesh; this was a hey, Bek, you can do it; you’re staying afloat talk. Thanks for listening. ;)
Oh yeah, about the title of this post. Spring Break is in like 3 weeks. Praise. Jesus. For. Real.
I’m going on an airplane to see my mumzy and her parentals, so it should be fun. Apparently it’s becoming a tradition while I’m at school away from home, because this is what I did last year, too. But I guess that tradition is about to end, because this is my LAST SPRING BREAK. Ahhhhh. Part of me is happy and part of me is sad. Because that means that I’m almost done with college, and again, that makes part of me happy and part of me sad. But I know that my sisters will be in school for a while, so I can always take Spring Break trips with them {why, yes, there are benefits to being the oldest sis!} so it’s not completely over.
Well, this lovely break from homework has taken almost 20 minutes, so I should say adieu and get some reading done.{(I decided that I will “shake a tower”{lemme know if you figure out what that means} and then I will clock in and read my students’ book.} Thanks for listening, friends. Good night.
Tuesday, February 14, 2012
Valentines
Do I have the best dad in the world? Yes, yes I do. Do I have the best mom in the world? Of course I do!
Do you want to know what they sent me for Valentine’s Day? Of course you do!
Don’t they look delish!?!?!? Of course! Told you I have the best parents ever.
And while I’m posting pictures, here are some from a couple weekends ago… Lizzy and I baked our hearts out!
hot fudge sauce…
…into toffee crunch ice cream which is already inside chocolate ice cream…
Sadly, Lizzy has the pictures of the finished product because my camera batteries pooped out. Sad day. But anywho, it is an Italian dessert and it was YUMMY!
Do you want to know what they sent me for Valentine’s Day? Of course you do!
Don’t they look delish!?!?!? Of course! Told you I have the best parents ever.
And while I’m posting pictures, here are some from a couple weekends ago… Lizzy and I baked our hearts out!
hot fudge sauce…
…into toffee crunch ice cream which is already inside chocolate ice cream…
Sadly, Lizzy has the pictures of the finished product because my camera batteries pooped out. Sad day. But anywho, it is an Italian dessert and it was YUMMY!
Thursday, February 9, 2012
Thursday Update
Golly it has been a long week! TGI (almost) F! So here’s life since last weekend…
This wasn't exactly what I was going for tonight, but this is what came out. I must apologize; my parents called in the middle of writing this post, so my thoughts changed topics a bunch of times in an hour. :) But I’m keeping my commitment to post once a week, so yay! Goodnight, dear readers.
- I’m almost caught up on my labor hours. Yes, our jobs are called “labor” as in slave labor… but not really slavery. We’re very against slavery. Slavery is bad. Almost as bad as being behind on your labor hours. {Nice circle, eh} So I was sick and there were 2 weeks of school with no Mondays, and so I was behind on my hours. But I think that I’m on track to be caught up. Yipee!
- A long, long time ago, I played piano. And now I play again! That’s right, I’m taking piano lessons again, for the first time since my freshman year of high school! And I love it. Isn't it funny how you forget how much you enjoy something until you start doing it again, and then you remember and it’s almost a mental and spiritual sigh of “ahhh” as you slip back into doing whatever you used to do. Ahhh.
- Jesus is amazing. This should probably be number 1, but I was going from the beginning of my day to the end, and so yeah. Jesus is just plain awesome. His plans for me are so far beyond what I could even hope or imagine, and I don’t even know what all He has in store.
- Senioritis is seriously kicking in… omg. 86 days. 86. days. Augh!!!!!
- I could use some prayer right now for a bunch of things… my grandparents’ health, Jesus’ will for my future, school, relationships, my health, and yeah. So if you think of me, please take ten seconds and pray for both God’s will and His grace for me. Thanks.
This wasn't exactly what I was going for tonight, but this is what came out. I must apologize; my parents called in the middle of writing this post, so my thoughts changed topics a bunch of times in an hour. :) But I’m keeping my commitment to post once a week, so yay! Goodnight, dear readers.
Saturday, February 4, 2012
Follow Up
Whew! Venting is exhausting! But thanks for listening, readers.
Briefly, I will say that one of my dear friends visited me yesterday and I was able to express (or at least, attempt to express) the funk that I had been in previously. And this dear friend helped me and encouraged me, and spoke words of wisdom that showed me the path out of this funk. Thanks, C!
So now it is the weekend and I'm preparing for a debate and presentation on Monday and a ginormous scary test on Tuesday, and my heart is light. Thank you for your prayers, readers. I'll describe more of these words of wisdom next week.
So now it is the weekend and I'm preparing for a debate and presentation on Monday and a ginormous scary test on Tuesday, and my heart is light. Thank you for your prayers, readers. I'll describe more of these words of wisdom next week.
Thursday, February 2, 2012
Pardon My Frankness
I’m gonna be really honest here: this week has been long and hard and funk-y. Not funky in a fun, musical, stuff’s happening kind of way, but in a I’m-in-a-funk kind of way. And I don’t know what’s up.
Sleep deprivation might be one culprit. It’s college- since when is there enough sleep???
Stress might be another. HELLOOOOO, capstone class and scary prof! Yikes. This guy needs to find something more entertaining than scaring the bejeebers out of his students.
Deep thoughts is the culprit I’m thinking is the most to blame these days. Lately, I've been contemplating the future. And not in the “gee, I wonder what I’ll be when I grow up” way, but in the “how has God called me to change the world and holy crap is that even possible?!!?!?!?” way. And there’s the “Lord, I’m scared spitless that I’m not gonna be able to handle everything You throw at me, and I’m scared that I won’t know how to lean on You and that everything I knew but didn't practice is going to come back and bite me and that I’ll fail all Your plans and lives will be ruined” conversation running in my mind. And the “what the hell am I going to do?” question that keeps circling my brain. And the “am I guarding my heart and trusting the Lord and making decisions that I’m going to be proud to tell a man someday?” monologue is constantly nagging at me.
Ugh. I’m so tempted to just go there, to spill my thoughts and pour it allllllll out for you to read… but I hesitate. Do I pour it all out and let everyone in? Is that being vulnerable (a good thing) or sharing my heart too much (a bad thing)? Where’s the line? This isn't my journal or my time with Jesus, but like so many other bloggers, I want to be real and honest about my struggles on this journey of Life.
Right now, I’m choosing bed and a dialogue with Jesus. Someday I’ll share, when Jesus has spoken His words of direction. I don’t want to lay it ALL out there in a mess, but what part of real life isn't messy? Ok, there we go. I’m realizing that real life is messy, that my friendships and experiences and hopes and dreams are real, and that I can’t change what has happened or what I’ll remember… LIFE is happening right now, and I’m afraid that I’m missing something, or that I will miss something, and that I won’t ever be able to capture it again, because once the moment is gone, that part of life is gone. Sometimes I think life is like waiting for Christmas… the fun is in anticipation; the actual day doesn't seem that amazing to me. There’s nothing different about it, nothing really special about what we do that day.
And then it hits me that right now is the time of leading up to “life” and who knows what it will be like, and then I think, wait, “right now” is also real life, and I should enjoy this too because it will never happen again either, and then I wonder, what if life in the future isn't all that it’s cracked up to be? What if… I can’t even articulate my thoughts. It’s not that I’m worried or scared… maybe skeptical? I think of my childhood and adolescent plans for my grown up life, and then I look at where I’m at now, and I look at the lives of my friends, and I think, gosh, life can be mundane. Maybe that’s what I’m worried about {ok, I know I just said I wasn't worried, but I really am}… maybe I’m petrified that life isn't all that exciting and it’s really boring and simple, and the best thing I have to look forward to is talking about potty training my kids and coming up with nicknames for my friends {note: nothing is wrong with these activities! My dear friend is hysterical about them, and I love her to death; however, these are the skeptical, dark thoughts that have been roiling around in my brain and I need to get them out and be honest. The light and joyful side of me loves it! The confused part of me questions it.}.
Maybe I’m scared spitless that I have these visions of how God is going to use me, and then I’ll end up struggling to teach my son how to read or my daughter how to share…
ISN'T THERE MORE!?!?!?!?!?!?!??!?!?!?!!??!!??!?!!?!?!? This is what is screaming inside my brain. THERE HAS TO BE MORE! True LIFE must consist of some greater vision, some deeper purpose. I can’t stand the thought of living day in and day out without something to look forward to!
Is this where the truth of Scripture comes in and the proverb “without vision a people perish” comes to mind? Thank You, Jesus. Even in the midst of my doubts and confusion, I know that He has good things planned for me, and there is hope. There is hope and vision and purpose to life. I don’t have to know it or understand it or even be able to do any of it, but I do get to trust Him, and that is the best and hardest thing ever. Trust and Hope. That’s all there is. Simple and impossible, without Him.
And on that note, beloved readers, I leave you. I apologize for the mind garbage, and I thank you in advance for your prayers. Goodnight.
Sleep deprivation might be one culprit. It’s college- since when is there enough sleep???
Stress might be another. HELLOOOOO, capstone class and scary prof! Yikes. This guy needs to find something more entertaining than scaring the bejeebers out of his students.
Deep thoughts is the culprit I’m thinking is the most to blame these days. Lately, I've been contemplating the future. And not in the “gee, I wonder what I’ll be when I grow up” way, but in the “how has God called me to change the world and holy crap is that even possible?!!?!?!?” way. And there’s the “Lord, I’m scared spitless that I’m not gonna be able to handle everything You throw at me, and I’m scared that I won’t know how to lean on You and that everything I knew but didn't practice is going to come back and bite me and that I’ll fail all Your plans and lives will be ruined” conversation running in my mind. And the “what the hell am I going to do?” question that keeps circling my brain. And the “am I guarding my heart and trusting the Lord and making decisions that I’m going to be proud to tell a man someday?” monologue is constantly nagging at me.
Ugh. I’m so tempted to just go there, to spill my thoughts and pour it allllllll out for you to read… but I hesitate. Do I pour it all out and let everyone in? Is that being vulnerable (a good thing) or sharing my heart too much (a bad thing)? Where’s the line? This isn't my journal or my time with Jesus, but like so many other bloggers, I want to be real and honest about my struggles on this journey of Life.
Right now, I’m choosing bed and a dialogue with Jesus. Someday I’ll share, when Jesus has spoken His words of direction. I don’t want to lay it ALL out there in a mess, but what part of real life isn't messy? Ok, there we go. I’m realizing that real life is messy, that my friendships and experiences and hopes and dreams are real, and that I can’t change what has happened or what I’ll remember… LIFE is happening right now, and I’m afraid that I’m missing something, or that I will miss something, and that I won’t ever be able to capture it again, because once the moment is gone, that part of life is gone. Sometimes I think life is like waiting for Christmas… the fun is in anticipation; the actual day doesn't seem that amazing to me. There’s nothing different about it, nothing really special about what we do that day.
And then it hits me that right now is the time of leading up to “life” and who knows what it will be like, and then I think, wait, “right now” is also real life, and I should enjoy this too because it will never happen again either, and then I wonder, what if life in the future isn't all that it’s cracked up to be? What if… I can’t even articulate my thoughts. It’s not that I’m worried or scared… maybe skeptical? I think of my childhood and adolescent plans for my grown up life, and then I look at where I’m at now, and I look at the lives of my friends, and I think, gosh, life can be mundane. Maybe that’s what I’m worried about {ok, I know I just said I wasn't worried, but I really am}… maybe I’m petrified that life isn't all that exciting and it’s really boring and simple, and the best thing I have to look forward to is talking about potty training my kids and coming up with nicknames for my friends {note: nothing is wrong with these activities! My dear friend is hysterical about them, and I love her to death; however, these are the skeptical, dark thoughts that have been roiling around in my brain and I need to get them out and be honest. The light and joyful side of me loves it! The confused part of me questions it.}.
Maybe I’m scared spitless that I have these visions of how God is going to use me, and then I’ll end up struggling to teach my son how to read or my daughter how to share…
ISN'T THERE MORE!?!?!?!?!?!?!??!?!?!?!!??!!??!?!!?!?!? This is what is screaming inside my brain. THERE HAS TO BE MORE! True LIFE must consist of some greater vision, some deeper purpose. I can’t stand the thought of living day in and day out without something to look forward to!
Is this where the truth of Scripture comes in and the proverb “without vision a people perish” comes to mind? Thank You, Jesus. Even in the midst of my doubts and confusion, I know that He has good things planned for me, and there is hope. There is hope and vision and purpose to life. I don’t have to know it or understand it or even be able to do any of it, but I do get to trust Him, and that is the best and hardest thing ever. Trust and Hope. That’s all there is. Simple and impossible, without Him.
And on that note, beloved readers, I leave you. I apologize for the mind garbage, and I thank you in advance for your prayers. Goodnight.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)