We've been hearing a lot that "married people and single people can't relate to one another." What is your perspective on this? In what way can we bridge the gap between marrieds and singles?
While I have heard this sentiment expressed before, I've never agreed with it. Um, hello, married people were single before they were married. Just saying!
I'm trying to say this delicately... friendships require effort, and just because something changes in one friend's life does not mean the whole friendship has to change or end. The friendship may shift and activities may change {no more "Princess Diaries" marathons at 1am}, but hopefully the bond of friendship is strong enough to adapt to this change.
I'm going to compare marriage to moving, since I have plenty of experience with moving but none with marriage at this point in life. When I moved from the Pacific Northwest to Kentucky for college, my friendship with Samara {my bestie} changed. We didn't see each other at church every week, we had to coordinate phone calls a bit better {three-hour time difference, how I loathe thee!}, and when we talked or chatted {gmail chat, how I love thee!}, we had to give a bit more back-story sometimes because we weren't as familiar with the ins and outs of each other's lives. Our friendship changed because our situation {ok, my situation} changed. And you know what? I think it made us value each other more. We were forced to be more intentional with connecting with each other, and I think that really grew our friendship.
Samara and I are an example of single friends with a situation changing some of the dynamics of our friendship. On the flip side, AJ and I have been friends since 2010, and I've only known her as a married woman. There are some things I can't relate with {having 4 kids}, and some parts of my current story are no longer parts of hers {college life, back when we first met}, but we are still bosom friends and our friendship is as close as the 2,500 miles between us will allow.
So how do we bridge the gap? Focus on being a good friend. Friends connect with each other {hello, perks of technology!} when they can, and they are understanding when schedules or home demands require flexibility. Friends are thoughtful, considerate, and make each other feel loved. If we can be good friends no matter our marital status, our friendships will continue to be awesome :)
{I'm working on a blog swap with my friend Yvonne! Next Wednesday we are swapping blogs to share our thoughts about growing and maintaining friendship as adults - hope to see you there!}
Moving is a great analogy! (okay, not perfect, but still). Instead of husband and kids, your far away friend has new people at work/school and new priorities; maybe the setting radically changed, so it's navigating different worlds. But like with marriage, friends should be able to share in the joys of the new as well as the roots of the past.
ReplyDeleteThanks! Your last statement sums it up really well: friends should be able to share in the joys of the new as well as the roots of the past. Perfect! Thanks for visiting :)
DeleteI love that this is a very true reflection of how you live out relationships. :)
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