Tuesday, June 29, 2010

It's Real

Ever anticipate something for so long, but then in the midst of your anticipation, you realize that the thing you've been anticipating is actually going to exist, and then you think maybe this wasn't such a good idea and what on earth have I gotten myself into and how do I leave and where do I run?

That's pretty much how I feel right now. I'm about to go on an approximately 1,500 mile journey and leave my family and friends and the familiar for over 4 months. Am I crazy!?!?What was I thinking when I said this was my first-choice school!?!?!? How am I going to survive?

And then comes the quiet peace, and Holy Spirit whispers, "It's ok. I'm going with you. You will not be alone, and you are in My will." And then my being sags a bit, as if all the air of a balloon was let out, and the stress and nerves that had me so wound up tight have been released. For now.

You see, tension seems to build itself in me, and I don't realize it until I think about leaving, and then the tension starts building a mansion, instead of just the little burrow it previously had made in my mind, and all of a sudden the mansion is taking over. Thank God for His Holy Spirit!

I got a letter today from my local school. They have some financial aid for me, which is great, except I'm not going! I don't know if they don't know how to take 'no' for an answer, or if they want to convince and entice me, or if they simply haven't received my 'thanks, but no thanks' letter. I'm not sure. I don't really care, though. I'm not going to their school; I'm going far away into the loneliness...

What if I stayed here and went to the local school? How would my life be different? Besides the obvious lack of distance in relationships, there's the not-so-obvious lack of new friends to be made. I'm not saying that I won't make any friends if I stay local, but I feel a calling, an urging to go to this far-away school, like I'm going to change the world by going there. And who knows? I just might. God knows.

Well, thanks for letting me spill my guts again, dear readers. I can't wait to regale you with tales of my far-away adventures...even thought simultaneously I'm dreading leaving.
"I'm going with you..."

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