Wednesday, November 20, 2013

A Real Live Grown-Up

We all that those things, I'm sure, that we told our younger selves "You'll be able to do this when you're older/more mature/an adult." And some of those things have happened {I trust}. For example, when I was younger, I told myself that I would one day be able to fix my hair into something not resembling an alien trying to be beamed back up into its mother-ship.  And some days I actually told the truth. Other days... well, Dahlia told me that I don't have used-Barbie-hair, so I feel like I've accomplished something in my life.

But really, there are some things that you can only do when you're an adult. Like drive a car or wear make-up without looking like a drag queen {ahem, Miranda!}.

Well, I've compiled a list of things that I should be able to accomplish as I approach a quarter-of-a-century years old, but no cigar for this old lady. Please laugh and groan along with me as I lament the possibility of ever growing up into a fully mature adult.
  1. Painting just fingernails...and not the surrounding finger. Or fingers. Sigh.
  2. Using scissors to cut a straight line. Straight lines are the bane of my existence. Also, as #2.1, paper cutters are also quite intimidating; they should be available to help with the problem of crooked lines, but this has not been my experience.
  3. Cooking. Are more words necessary? In case they are, here's a poem I wrote about the whole situation.
Well, fortunately I can only remember think of three tasks that I've not matured into yet. If you think of more, please don't remind me. Ignorance is bliss, you know. Just let me pretend I'm an adult. Pleaseandthankyou.

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