EEG

Today, I went to a doctor's office and had an EEG.

Now, first of all, do not ask me what EEG stands for; I only know what it does and feels like. I have no idea if EEG is an acronym, and abbreviation, or something doctors say just to sound cool. But I can tell you how my EEG went, and what it felt like.

The lady asked me to lie down on the table, and to flip my hair over the pillow. She asked me why I was getting an EEG, and as I told my story, she began marking my face, scalp, and chest with what I assumed to be marker. She then followed each of those marks with some cold, gunky paste, and then the small circle of rubber attached to wires. This whole process took several minutes, with her turning my head to one side and then another in order to mark up and attach what felt like my entire skull.

Once that was finished, she told me that I would have to not talk, keep my eyes closed, and not fall asleep! No problem...right. I lay there for a while, and every few minutes, she would say "Open your eyes. Now close them please." Then she told me, "Ok, I need to to hyperventilate. Ready, go!" And so I began what I assumed was hyperventilation: breathing fast and hard, but not getting enough oxygen for a while. After what felt like forever but was probably only a minute, she told me "Too hard! Slow down please." So I slowed down and waited for her to tell me to stop.

After an eternity, she told me "Good job! You're halfway done!" And I thought, "Halfway!??!?! What the crap??" So I kept going, and then she FINALLY told me to stop. But little did I know, after the hyperventilation is worse than actually doing it.

My body felt like it was in motion; my left hand and forearm went numb and tingly; my head felt as if I was shaking it violently back and forth. Oh, it was bad! But then it got WORSE! She had to flash the strobe light on my face, to see what my brain would do then. I thought it was just going to be the one series of FLASH...FLASH...FLASH. Done. WRONG! It would flash faster, and behind my eyes, it looked like there were two giant circular saws closing in on my face. And then there would be darkness. Phew, I thought, it's over. Wrong again!

The flashes continued for probably five minutes, and each blurred image behind my eyes would be more and more painful, and the blessed relief in between lights was only a tease. FINALLY it was over! Then more aftershocks. My head felt like I was falling backwards; my arm was still numb, and my right arm seemed to be waving back and forth. My legs felt like they were on the "very dry" cycle of a laundry dryer. All I wanted to do was shut my eyes and lie down...and then I realized I had my eyes shut and I was already lying down. Yes, it sucked.

 Then it was over. She turned on the lights again, and got a warm washcloth to wipe my face and hair as she pulled the wires off and cleaned the gunk off of me. She recommended I shower. Um, duh? Just a little.

The only real downside was that she knew, right then and there, if I was having sub-clinical seizures or not, but she couldn't tell me. She had to send the results to my doctor and they would discuss it, and then my doctor would call me. So after all that torture, I have to wait to find out what my poor brain is doing. But oh well. It made for an interesting post, didn't it? :)