Thursday, April 1, 2010


Hello, readers, So over the past few months, the Lord has had me on a journey deeper into His heart. I didn't realize that this is where He was leading me, because I was so focused on what I was giving up. But now that I'm here, I'm realizing that I would never want to be anywhere else, because it is in this place of perfect rest and peace and trust that life is beautiful.

I'm a college sophomore. I have one more quarter at the two-year school I'm at right now, and then I'm transferring. I don't know where to yet, but I know that His plan is perfect. I've applied to a school in state, that a lot of my friends and acquaintances are attending, and I've applied to a school across the country where I know no one and will only see my family twice a year. And the funny thing is, I want to go to that school across the country. I want to spread my wings and live where no one else that I know is living, and I want to have an adventure.

This is where the journey started: I wanted to go to that school SO badly that I wasn't willing to worship the Lord if He told me to stay in-state. He kept whispering, "what if I send you here?" And I would sigh in my head and say, "ok, God, whatever." And then in the back of my mind, where I think God can't hear me, I'd say, "but I'm really going across the country." That's not trusting God!!! That's not believing in His goodness! And I knew it, and He of course knew it. So He kept asking me...what if, Bek? What if? And I'd cry and ignore Him, or I'd cry and really contemplate the issue, and then in worship, He'd bring it up, right as I was singing about surrender or trust or something gorgeous like that, and He'd say, "does school apply?" And I'd cry some more and say, "yes, it does...but God! I really want to go to this school, not that school!" And He said, "I know, Beloved, but do you trust that I have the best plan?"

And for a while, I wasn't able to make it past that question. And then last week in worship, I realized that I could make it past that question. A settling had come... it had transferred from my mind to my heart. I had been telling myself all along that I want to go to school where God's going, and if He's not there, I don't want to be there. And all of a sudden, that head revelation passed to my heart, and I got it. I realized that I really don't want to go where He's not going, and then there was peace in my heart.

Everything I had worried and stressed about no longer mattered. It just came down to Him and me, Him having the absolute BEST plan for my life, and me trusting and resting in His arms believing that truth. Now that I've reached this point, I can say that He has my heart. I know that I know that I KNOW that He has the most AMAZING design for my life, and all I have to do is believe Him and let Him have His way.

Wherever I end up going to school in the fall, I know that it will be exactly where God wants me to be, and I know that I will worship Him through it all. Before He took me on this journey, I knew I wouldn't be able to truly worship Him if He kept me in-state. But now I know that He is so worthy of all my worship, and it doesn't matter where He sends me...He is good. I'm in awe.

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