Along Came A Spider...

You may have caught the gist of this story on Facebook. However, my mind is so scarred that this is all I can think of. So please enjoy.

Last night, I vacuumed the entire condo.

Let me back up.

There I was, minding my own business, bawling over Doctor Who {yes, I've already seen these episodes, and yes, I still cried. Ten saying goodbye to all his companions? Tearing up as I type!}

So I'm sitting on the floor wearing my Princess Diaries-inspired pajamas, wrapped in a cocoon of my pink blanket, and in the corner of my eye, I see something move. Now, Samara is out for the evening, so there should be no movement except for me and the television screen. Nevertheless, something moved.

What my eyes beheld was not something that brought joy to my heart. Or as someone commented on Facebook, "that did not bless me."

There was a HUGE spider making a move on my Kleenex box. As in, it was between me and my tissue. As in, just a few inches from my person. But don't worry. Our close proximity only lasted about half a second.

I leaped onto the couch and let loose an expression that I will not share here. By the time I turned around to look at the spider, it was gone. Completely gone. 

On the one hand, I was really glad the spider hadn't attached itself to me or my blanket. On the other hand, I wanted to know where the darned thing was hiding!

Soooo I vacuumed the entire condo. I even vacuumed the closet in which the vacuum resides. The couch got a good once-over. The recliner {upon which I was leaning at the time of this incident} got pulled out and the whole area was vacuumed over a couple of times. I even did the hand-held and vacuumed as far behind the bookshelf as I could reach. 

But the spider was nowhere to be found. It was partially not at all reassuring, but I had also vacuumed my room, so I went to bed in peace. But just to be safe, I warned Samara via text: "beware the loose spider!"

This morning, Samara reported that the spider had been waiting for her...in her room...the one place I hadn't vacuumed because, like, personal space and stuff. But that spider was smart- it went to the one place I wouldn't vacuum!

Rest well, readers: Samara's nickname is "Sting, the Spider Slayer" because that woman takes out spiders like a Seattlite takes out recycling. Which is like a boss, in case you don't get my made-up analogy. 

Anyway, this story has a two-part happy ending. The condo is vacuumed and the spider is dead. Holla. 

UPDATE: If you would like to read Samara's version, please brace for a chuckle and enjoy :)

Funny Friday on Tuesday...just isn't happening

Blame my dad for this...or my mom...or the stove. That's a lot easier, to blame inanimate objects. Blame the darn stove.

I'm trying to think of something funny I can share today instead of Friday, but my brain won't work. Alas, I got to work at 5:30 this morning because Dad trains at 6:00am today {thanks, Dad}. But Bek, why didn't you just ride in with Mom? Good question! Because Mom isn't coming in until later {thanks, Mom} because the stove is being replaced {thanks, stove}. Sigh.

Although I couldn't think of anything funny, I was able to come up with some "true confessions" type things. Again, re-read the above paragraph and recognize that I got 6.5 hours of sleep...on a couch. Yep. Anywho, here are some true, maybe funny, definitely weird confessions/ramblings/talking points from Bek:

1. The Oxford comma is where it's at. {You know it's early when the first thing that comes to mind is grammar!} Sorry, Samara, but it's the truth. {You also know you're best friends with someone when you know their opposite position on the Oxford comma and you still love them.}
   
2. Pet peeve: fingernails, particularly my own. I hate how frequently they need trimmed, and how shapeless they are...actually, they have shape, very distinct shapes...they're just un-named shapes. Actually, my friends and I went to get manicures, and when the guy came over, he said, "What are you here for? Oh, shaping." Yeah, thanks, that's just what I was going to say...not.
   
3. I totally have radio ADD. You know, when you're listening to the radio and you keep changing the channel because there's nothing good playing? Yeah, I do that all day, every day. Well, I knew it was bad when I was driving home the other night and actually found a station that was playing some good tunes, and they played three good songs in a row, but I still felt the itch to change the channel after 1.5 songs.
   
4. Ya know how bloggers have link-up parties and stuff? I don't know how to do that! Thanks to Ash I now know how to put a video in a blog post, and thanks to a kind lady who commented I learned about Bloglovin', but the link-up thing kinda baffles me. How am I supposed to put something on someone else's blog? Weirds me out.
   
5. Sometimes I wish I could email people and offer to correct their website typos. How's this sound: Hi, you don't know me, and you obviously don't care about your website enough to proofread it, but I care about proofreading, so if you could just fix this thing right here... Yeah, probably not too well, but it happens way too often for me to be comfortable raising children in the next few years. These websites threaten the very existence of grammar! What if things get so bad that I am unable to communicate with my grandchildren!? Guys, this is serious...bologna. And speaking of dangerous, bologna is the dumbest word ever and even dumber spelling, and bee-tee-dubs, what kind of meat is it anyway??? 

Things have gotten too out of control for me.  I better go sit down. Please laugh at this post; don't shed tears.  Everything will all be better after a nap...

Also, I just realized that two of my five confessions involved grammar. You'd never guess I majored in business, would you? In my defense, my mom, sister, and bff are all English majors. I'm surrounded. Oh, and I was a teacher's assistant, and I care about our nation's future. Happy 4th of July!  :)