Lately I've been questioning my character. Internally, my thoughts turn to am I good enough? and do I obey God fully? and how do I make changes that last and re-do habits that are bad and how do I make myself obey God and live life fully?
These are questions that have no answers. I’m feeling desperate, like I've been held under water and my lungs are burning for oxygen. My life has been good so far, in terms of my behavior. It’s hard to explain what I feel and think. There are things that I know I should be doing, but instead I do the opposite. There are things I know I should stop doing, but instead I keep on doing them. What’s the verse where Paul basically describes my struggle? I know there’s one out there.
Going to start this internship and live with my grandparents could be a new start, but I’m discouraged and keep thinking that things will be just the same. My inside is not changing; only my environment will be different, so why would that motivate change? I guess there’s the hope of forming new habits as I form a new normal out there, but the negative voice in my head keeps discouraging me.
What do I do?