Blog Every Day Feb: Day Three - Scared

Linking up with Bailey Jean for Blog Every Day in February!

Here are the prompts for both your benefit and mine. And because this fabulous shade of pink needs to be admired more.

Something that scares me... besides spiders hiding somewhere in my house???

When I was younger, I was petrified for skeletons. My family went put-put golfing at a pirate-themed course, and because there was a skeleton on the back wall, I didn't want to golf. At night, I was always imagining skeletons at the foot of my bed. Once, I got so scared of these skeletons that I slept in a crouching position on top of my pillow, which put me literally the farthest distance from the skeletons as possible. I told you I was petrified!

Nowadays, my fear of skeletons has calmed down to just a general dislike. I'm more afraid of accidentally burning my house down via cooking or leaving on the hair straightener. Also, I'm not terribly fond of crosswalks, and I'm pretty sure I'm justified in this concern.

Like Bailey, I struggle with being afraid of what others think of me. Some days aren't bad, but other days my every conversation is under the scrutiny of my insecurities and I want to hide in a cave and not let anyone know me.

I'm also afraid of missing God's will for my life. Some of this is a good, holy, fear-of-the-Lord kind of fear, and I'm glad to have that. But some of this is a selfish, me-based fear that doesn't believe God is good enough or that I'm good enough for Him or that He can use me whenever He wants.

How do I overcome these fears? The Word of God, the Blood papers, dialogue with my parents and close friends, and journaling and praying all help me get focused on the Truth. The truth is that I have nothing to fear, that God loves me so I don't have to worry what others think of me, that He is using me now in my flawed state, and that nothing I do can screw up God's plans.

Thank you, Bailey, for such a great prompt! If you would like to join the link-up, hop on over to Anchored in Love and share your story, what fires you up, and what scares you.

When I'm Wrong

Been working from home for about 9 business days now {thankfully back in the office this week-got a little too stir crazy last week!} and I had a lot of time to think. And God was is dealing with some stuff in me, and so that leads to even more thinking. So here are some of my revelations

First of all, God knows what He's doing, and I don't, and that's enough. I trust Him.

This may surprise some of you {ok let's be real: none of you}, but I've made mistakes. in the past. in my life. yeah. shocker.

Specifically, I've realized that I have not always "assumed goodwill" about people, and that because I was assuming ill-will, I've been unkind. There are a couple specific instances I'm thinking of, but I'm sure that there are more.

So now what? I know that I made mistakes; what do I do now?

First and most importantly, I repent. Jesus is Who I've ultimately sinned against, and so I ask for His forgiveness and grace to change.

Usually the next step would be to go to the people I've wronged, and I am going to do that when appropriate, but since I live in the Frozen Tundra for another three weeks, I'm going to wait until I'm home.

Obviously, my behavior needs to change. And that begins in my heart and mind. I need to think differently so that I begin to act differently. So I'm asking the Lord to come in and change my mind, to continue to reveal the areas where I've been wrong, to help me become more like Him.

Thanks for listening.

Draft

Like many Americans, I have a few television shows that I watch regularly. And like most Americans, that means that I make these shows a priority. I wouldn’t call myself an addict or obsessed or anything too extreme, but I make sure that the family is done with dinner and dishes in time for the show.
My family’s top show is The Closer produced by TNT. The show stars Kyra Sedgwick as Chief Brenda Johnson of the LAPD. Like most crime shows, there are dead bodies and bad guys and guns and general excitement, excitement that has made this show a highly-rated one.
While watching, with many other Americans, the highly-anticipated last six episodes of The Closer, I was struck by how fiercely the characters fought for life. These fictitious law enforcers made every effort to not kill bad guys, to make deals with them so that victims could be saved and death row could be avoided. Now, I recognize that these are made-up stories written by people who want their show to succeed, but they also have an agenda; they are promoting their ideals whether we are aware of it or not.
Let me bring in something seemingly unrelated, and I promise to tie them together. I am taking a business course right now from a Christian organization. The book we are reading is explaining the single-generation mindset of our economic system’s founder, John Maynard Keynes. Keynes was a homosexual who had no thought of the next generation; hence, our “have it now, pay for it later” generation and ensuing economic struggles. The author of the book points out the connection between our economic situation and our morals. Abortion is the epitome of single-generation living. Abortion thinks only of the here and now, not of the future. No wonder our economy is so bad and our nation is on its knees.
So let’s go back to The Closer and let’s tie these two concepts together. Ironically, like the ultimate problem is solved, this connection was made most clear to me in the finale of the show and in the premiere of the follow-up show. As Chief Johnson moves positions and Captain Raydar steps up, my conclusion was revealed. Capt. Raydar focuses on getting criminals sentenced, and the first sentencing she does puts a prisoner away for life instead of the death penalty. But one of her subordinates complains that she settled for his conviction instead of his execution because it saved the city money. Let’s think about the parallels in this fictional television show and the very real state of our nation: life and death come down to economics. What saves us money now? Putting criminals in jail instead of executing them. What else saves us money now? Aborting our children instead of raising them. What is more expensive long-term? The caring for of life-long prisoners. What else is more expensive long-term? Depression, breast cancer, difficulty carrying a full-term pregnancy, suicide, and all the other risks increased by abortion; this is not to mention a diminished work force, and let’s not even get into the culture of death pervading this nation.
**EDIT: What really gets to me is the fact that in today's society, life and death are decided by economics. How has it come to this, that we value life based on revenue? In a sad, sardonic way, our society is consistent: we abort our young and euthanize our old because it is more "economically feasible" to have them die. Have morals become so far removed? Or is our deception that complete?**
If you’ve read a few Bound4Life posts, I’m sure you’re familiar with all the ways Planned Parenthood deceives and bullies organizations into continual funding. I am not ignorant of the link between our nation’s moral compass, the nation’s largest abortion provider, and our national economic crisis. I would simply like to point out yet another connection, drawing from our entertainment sector, and I would like to encourage you to pray, even more fervently, for our nation.
Jesus, I plead Your Blood over my sins and the sins of my nation. God, end abortion and send revival to America!


please tell me what you think of this post! Give me everything-grammatical, content, point, details. Was I clear? Do I need more? Less? Please, tell me your thoughts! Thank you!

Summer Reading

Yesterday, I received in the mail a book from my new college. It’s called Eli the Good by Silas House. It’s rather interesting so far… there’s nothing wrong with it, per se. It just leaves a bad taste in your mouth, mentally, you know? I’m in the 4th or 5th chapter, and already there’s been a few scenes where I read a line and then stopped and considered just shutting the book right then. Finally, I just shut the book and picked up Les Miserables, the classic by Victor Hugo. I needed some redemption in my mind!

I asked the Lord about the summer reading book this morning, and He told me that it’s practice for when I go to school. Things aren’t going to necessarily be bad or good, but they’re ok. He told me that I need to know that He is speaking and listening all the time, so at any point while reading, I can pause and get His perspective. He also told me that I’ll probably want to declare His Blood over my mind after each reading, and that’s what I plan on doing.

One of the things that bothers me about this book is that the sentences are not totally clear. They’re not easy to follow, which makes reading it more laborious. Also, the book is written in the typical American style, and other than Mark Twain and Laura Ingalls Wilder, I can’t say that I’m a fan of the American style. Sorry, USA, but it’s true.

Here’s my goal: not just to finish the book, but to finish it and have Father’s perspective and answers to the issues the book raises, and then be able to discuss His answers with the other students who have read it. Who knows, I may even be able to discuss His perspective with Mr. Silas House himself, since I’ll have the opportunity to meet him at Student Orientation next week.

Golly, it’s next week. This is my last weekend at home…I keep saying “last” like I’m never coming back, but in reality, it’s just for 4 months at a time, for 2 years. I can so handle 4 semesters! If my God is for me, then who can stand against me?

Amazing...

The Lord has prompted me to pray the Blood papers over myself more and more, and so the other night I was getting ready for bed and decreeing His truth over me. I was led to a few declarations that don't sound like much [feet and footsteps, paths and doors, tent and possessions, and time and work], but I found some AMAZING Words in these declarations!

"I declare the power of the Blood of Jesus on my paths and doors: The doors shall be opened before me. {Is. 24:7,9}

He opens for me the gates of righteousness; I will go through them and I will praise the Lord. {Ps. 118:19}

He keeps my doors open because He opens and no one shuts. {Take that, impossible-to-get-into colleges!!! Rev. 3:7b, 8}

He preserves my steps in His will. {Ps. 37:23}

I want to show you the English Standard Version of that last verse, because I read it and was jumping up and down while wanting to cry with joy.

Psalm 37:23-24 ~ The steps of a man are established by the Lord, when he delights in His way; though he fall, he shall not be cast headlong, for the Lord upholds his hand.

AUGH!! Amazing!!! This has fed me for the past two days, especially as I try to hear the Lord's voice about His will and my life. Ahhh...thank You, Jesus!

Testimony

Hello, readers, Well, some of you may know this and some of you may not know this, so I will tell you all once and for all what has happened to me in the past week.

On Wednesday, April 14th, 2010, at 6:40am, I was waiting to catch my bus to go to school. Oh no! I thought. I forgot to pray the Blood papers this morning! Usually when I forget, I can remember the ones that I pray all the time, like my mind or my heart or my affections. Today I remembered only the very end: "The Lord is a wall of fire all around me. The angels of the Lord encamp around me." I declared this promise over myself and boarded my bus, onto another day of school.

After classes, at 10:20am, I hurried from my classroom to the bus stop. I had some errands to run before I went to work at 12:30. At 10:21am, I was attempting to cross the street to get on the bus when I was hit by a car. The car hit my on my right side, and I went onto the hood, and then fell from the hood to the hard road below, landing on my left side. My left elbow bears testimony to the intensity of the fall.

I was able to stand up almost right away. The Lord is a wall of fire all around me.

I realized I had not broken any bones. Then angels of the Lord encamp around me.

A stranger came over to me and asked me if I was ok. I said yes. The Lord is a wall of fire all around me.

He asked if I knew what day it was. I said Wednesday. The angels of the Lord encamp around me.

He walked me over to the side of the road and helped me sit down. He asked if I wanted to see a doctor, and I said yes. He told me he would get Campus Security. They came in their truck, and after making sure I was not too badly injured, they called for an aid car. A fire truck came. After examining me, they repeatedly told me I was lucky. I smiled and said, "I know." The Lord is a wall of fire all around me.

The medic placed me in a C-collar to protect my neck, and then they strapped me to a board on a stretcher. I was placed in the aid car and then had to face probably the most painful part of my adventure: calling my mom. The medic dialed the number and then handed me the phone. "Mom?" I hesitated, not sure how to tell her. Do I tell her to sit down first? I wondered. Just break it to her, I concluded. "Mom, I'm in an ambulance..." Mom joined me in the ER a few minutes after I arrived. The nurses were feeling my body and checking my heart rate and blood pressure. "Everything seems fine," they told us. "What happened?" "I was hit by a car," I told them. The two nurses both gasped. "Wow," they said, "you're really lucky! It could have been a lot worse!" The angels of the Lord encamp around me.

I went home only two hours after getting to the hospital. Nothing was broken; I only have bruises and soreness. I missed one day of school and two days of work. My elbow's bruise is fading every day. I get massages! The Lord is a wall of fire all around me. The angels of the Lord encamp around me.

It's been a while...

So, my beloved readers, it's been a while. I apologize. I've been having technical difficulties with my computer, and I've been fighting my schoolwork for some time to write. Well, I finally won! :)

Recently the Lord has been speaking to me about training for a spiritual marathon. He told me I've done sprints before, and that's great, but now is the time to go all out and train for the long haul. He's been reminding me to build up my spirit man; I seriously have been praying in tongues for almost an hour every day, broken up into 10 minute chunks. At the bus stop, the Lord will prompt me. Walking to the bus stop. Walking to class. Riding the bus. Before class starts. On my way to work. Waiting for the kids. Exercising. Cleaning my room. Getting ready for school or bed.

It's amazing how many times in the day the Lord will, ever so gently, remind me to pray. It's been so easy! I know it's because I'm not doing it in my own strength; if this was me, it would be impossible. But it's God, and it's great! I don't know why I'm training for this marathon. Well, I hope I know, but I won't find out if my guess is correct for a few more months. But even if the training is for something else, I know that I need it. If God tells you to train, gosh darn it, you better train! So I am.

 He's also been having me declare the Blood Papers over myself and my descendants, and He's been leading me into the Word a lot. Pastor Dennis Cole totally brought Holy Spirit conviction to me last week when he quoted Paul: "Do not neglect the reading of the Word." WHOA!!! You better believe that I stepped up my game. I don't know what this training is for. I really hope it's for the next school year, particularly a school that I've never been to before. But if it's not for that school, or if it's for something completely unrelated, does that make the training any less important?

I've been learning to embrace the process even when I can't see the end. So let me encourage you in this, readers. Take off for your destination, and go all out for it. And enjoy your route.