Finish This: Week Twenty-one

Linking up with Becky at The Java Mama, Lisa at Coastlined, Jen at The Arizona Russums, and Nicole at Three 31. Hop on over for some link-up fun!

The best mistake I ever made was not working seriously on my college application during Christmas Break, 2007. Because of my slacker habit, my application was rushed and probably sloppy and unimpressive. I did not get accepted as a freshman to our big university, so I went to the community {now full-fledged} college a couple miles from my home. It ended up being the best possible thing, because from that community college, I transferred to Berea College and I know that's exactly where God wanted me.

From this mistake, I learned that God's plans are so much better than mine, and that I can only see a teensy piece of His plans at a time. When I was working on my application in 2007, I never would have imagined myself going to a small school in the middle of Kentucky. I couldn't have foreseen the amazing relationships I'd forge with my bosom friend and my roomie and others. I wouldn't have believed you if you told me that in 2012, I'd cry many, many hot tears as I left part of my heart in Kentucky. And I would have laughed if you told me about all the crazy trips I'd take to visit friends and the trips they'd take to visit me. The moral of the story is, God's plans are WAY cooler than mine :)

When I'm anxious, I tell myself that God is sovereign and He's working everything out, and hey, remember that I don't know everything. Also, I text/chat/talk to my bestie, and then I go to Zumba class, because that makes everything better.

All I really want to do is oh boy. More details coming in the career vein. I'd love to be able to travel instantaneously, like Dorothy - click my heels, and bam! Not in Kansas, but Kentucky! Or Europe, or Mexico, or anywhere. I really want chocolate to become a calorie-burning superfood. I really want to pierce my nose, but only if I could take it out and have the hole be invisible. Sometimes nose piercings just don't fit the situation, so if I could have the advantages of both the piercing and non-piercing, that'd be bomb.
I must have interpreted this question as "what do you wish was invented?" so let me give you a few that aren't fictitious. I really want to read, all. the. time. I really want to call my friends {or better, travel to see them!} way more frequently than time commitments allow. I really want to vacuum out my car {hey, that might actually happen soon!}. I really want to hold babies {this should be happening soon, once I go through volunteer training at the hospital}.

There you have it! Join the link-up with your own post, or answer the prompts in the comments. See you next week!

Blog Swap with Yvonne!

Hey there! So a few weeks ago, my college roomie and I were discussing a blog swap, and then our friend Yvonne approved of our conversation {read: innocently "liked" it on fb} and whaddya know, she got roped into volunteered to participate. Yvonne describes this tale with much more eloquence in her post, but the moral of the story is that she and I are swapping blogs for this little post about friendship. Enjoy! And to read my post, go check out Yvonne's blog. 

How has your approach to maintaining friendships changed as you've entered adulthood? How do you make new friends? How do you let go of old friends?

The Best Friend, Me, and the Girls from Across the Hall

About a month ago, the girls I lived across the hall from during our first semester at Berea - three doors down and across the hall from during our second semester - were discussing a blog swap on Facebook. It sounded cool, so I "Liked" it. Then I was in on it. And now, just Bek and I are doing it because life can be rough and we all must learn how to tumble.

With these life tumblings, rumblings, ramblings and travelings, relationships change. What I've discovered along the way, however, is that - as easy as it is to do - I mustn't allow the shadows to exterminate the light. Yes, this is totally a broader life lesson than one pertaining to friendship, but it matters.

"Friends are forever."

My friends and I used to play a game. Do you know what it was called? BS. That also happens to be my reaction to the idea of friends being a forever ideal. One of my most firmly-held beliefs is that everything with which and everyone with whom we come into contact influences and changes us in some way, however minute. This sounds simple enough, but it has a larger impact than you might realize on the surface. If this is true, then the forces at work in our lives are innumerable. People change over time, through experience, across distance, below the surface, and every fiber of their being has the potential to restructure and re-imagine their existence. That's awesome! The flip side, however, is that means we may no longer mesh in the way{s} we once did.

I can't deny that the Internet has played a gigantic role in my relationships. When I moved across the country in seventh grade, I emailed my friends in Arizona. In high school, I was lonely and discovered MySpace before most people did, met people in chat rooms, and eventually moved on to Facebook. Ah, Facebook. There, I have "friends" who watched me grow up, people I've known since I remember, my editor, former professors, people who have majorly influenced my life, and people who don't know me at all, but who "Like" my statuses now and again. That surface stuff doesn't matter, though. It's not about how many "Likes" or "Pokes" or the number that pops up in red for notifications. It's about the people, or at least it should be. So, although Facebook is my top friend-connector, it makes me a little sad. 

You see, I've never been particularly good at making friends. When I was a little kid, I was shy. When I got older, I was awkward. When I went to Berea, I made a couple of close friends. When I moved back here, I found everything changed. You see, I'm good at making a few close friendships, but I'm awful at face-to-face social interaction that's on that level in between Internet and annoyingly close friend. I've always had a hard time balancing how much to say, what to leave unsaid, when it's appropriate to say what I think, and when to bow out. I try hard, but I find it exhausting. I'm an absurdly empathetic person but a side effect of that is apathy. It gets to the point where trying is just too much. I had a group of friends built up before heading to Berea and went with the attitude that I wasn't going there to make friends, I was going there for education.

And I made my best friend - aside from that dear husband of mine - in Berea. She'll be the maid of honor in our wedding this August.

Without a doubt, the biggest help to me in maintaining friendships with all of the obstacles around us is technology. I'm sure people felt similarly when postal systems became increasingly regulated and reliable. For example I can text Liz, my maid of honor, a picture of a dress I'm thinking about buying, comment on a Pinterest pin on my wedding board, call anytime, Facetime if we're on WiFi, email in a moment, and chat on Facebook. And that's incredible.

The danger in these well-maintained friendships for someone like me - who has never been very good at forging relationships in the first place - is that it leads to a false sense of security. When people ask me about friends here in Valparaiso, I have to admit that I don't have any, really. I have a comfortable relationship with my editor, I have Tom, and I have Fox. It's kind of like a weird grown-up version of high school when my best friend was my cat, Tig. I talked to Tom online a lot, and I really liked to talk to my yearbook counselor. 

Not such bad friends to have!

Tig, 1996-2010; Fox, 2013-Current

I don't really make new friends. I work on strengthening older relationships. I write to far-off relatives - on paper, in emails, I call my grandpa every day and my dad almost as often, I get to know Tom's mom better. This isn't a bad thing - and truth be told, I don't know how I'd be able to balance all of these along with making new friends, but I think new friendships are important. I'm just at a loss for how to go about it. There are dating websites that are reliable, but I've sunk so low as looking online for friendship sites. I want to just hang out and drink a glass of wine and watch a chick flick and not bother Tom with it! I've recently reverted to an old standby with a twist - I flat out asked someone I know around here to be my friend. She's accepted, but we have yet to have a hang out session. I'm nervous; I'm confident it'll all be okay. 

And, honestly, making new friends is a scary prospect. It means putting myself on the line to be judged as a friend. It means explaining that Tom and I are married, but our wedding isn't until August. Oh, and it means fudging up the guest list. And cleaning the apartment in case they stop by. Don't get me started on how I wouldn't be able to handle it if they were allergic to cats and wanted to spend time here... The point is that I'm currently petrified by the idea of forging new relationships, but I'm pleased with reconnecting to people from my past. 

People are surprising

Ironically, technology allows for some of the most cathartic exercises I know. "Unfriending" someone on Facebook. Deleting that someone from your phone's contact list. It's so freeing. It can also be really sad. I don't often lost friends by any dramatic means. Usually, it's sort of a continental drift - slow, almost unnoticeable, until suddenly we haven't spoken in a few months. Blessedly, however, I'm happy to report that my most favorite friends and I are on the sort of terms that allow for this. One of the greatest joys of friendship is the ability to pick up a conversation months later and to interpretive dance in the same crazy way you did a couple years ago. There are times, however, where rifts form - instead of a gentle move away from one another, a violent volcano of emotion and hurt erupts and your friendship is left in the balance. I have lost some people I considered true friends for reasons I don't fully comprehend. In these cases, I can deal, but it bothers me to be thought poorly of and to think that they're badmouthing me for things beyond my control.

Friendships, in my estimation, are meant to be friendly. Friends, however, aren't, necessarily. They're meant to be honest. They're meant to be brutal. They're meant to be mirrors of ourselves. They're meant to help us change and grow. They are meant to enlighten our lives. When they cease to do this, it's no wonder that we drift away to other things, people, interest, places, etc. It's not bad to move on, but I think it is imperative that we look for the good in all of these things. A friend may be "unfriended," deleted from your contacts, and no longer in your life, but what about all those pictures together and the memories you share with that person? We mustn't let the present state of the relationship tarnish our reflections on the past. 

Yesterday, I was driving to Target to pick up some necessities {and some wedding gifts for a friend} and started humming the J. Geils Band's "Centerfold." While I was in Target, it came on the radio. The same thing happened when I was in Bed, Bath & Beyond. This song holds a treasured memory in the second row of my high school's can, coming home from an away game in Wisconsin, sharing headphones with one of my closest friends, and listening to some of their greatest hits because her dad loved the band and she did, too. I haven't spoken to that girl in about two and a half years now. We didn't part on good terms and it eventually got to the point where I had to stop trying for my own wellbeing. That's a painful thing, but Lord help me, I was overjoyed when I realized that I've gotten to the point of being able to listen to the songs we used to rock out to and watch the movies we loved without getting bogged down in the sorrow of a dead friendship!

I am who I am. You are who you are. I am not who I was yesterday and I won't be the same me tomorrow. Things change.

This is a lot like the part in Forrest Gump when he returns home following "just" five years of college, his tour in Vietnam, and tenure as ping-ponger extraordinaire and says, simply,

"I'm home, Mama."

"No s***, Forrest," I have a tendency to say in a fantastic Alabaman Sally Field impression.

When it comes to friendships and friends, it's simple - friendship, at its core, is amazing. For years, I've thought that the most amazing thing about friends is that they choose to love you. Your parents and your family are almost obligated to love you - it's hard to resist instinct - but there are people in your life who love you unconditionally for no reason other than that they love who you are.

So here's to the friends you get close to after moving across the country from them, to the friends we made out of necessity, to the friends who wrote us off, to the friends who never turned away, and - my favorite - to the friends who'll answer you at any time of day or night!

You are loved. 

Thank you, Yvonne! That was lovely. Thanks for swapping blogs - let's do it again soon. 

Finish This: Week Seven

This lovely link-up is hosted by Nicole at Three 31, Jen at The Arizona Russums, Lisa at COASTLINED, and Becky at The Java Mama. Enjoy!

I plan on buying a birthday present for my roomie! Trying to decide between Seattle chocolate {always a hit}, a gift card {so she can pick out what she loves best}, or something really nerdy {because that's what nerd friends get for each other}. Feel free to make suggestions in the comments!

I give *Captain Phillips* 5 Stars because that movie was so so SO well done and intense and well-acted and amazing and incredible and yes. If you haven't seen it, I personally recommend watching it during a thunder storm while your lights flicker on and off. It adds to the intensity level, for sure.

I felt courageous when I said goodbye to my parents and watched them drive to the airport after moving me into my dorm room in Kentucky. Knowing that I was supposed to be at this school was amazing, but knowing that I would see my parents for 4 months {plus the 3-hour time difference made things challenging} was really, really hard. But I had my cry session and then was good.

I feel about swimsuit shopping like I do about ordering a chai latte; I've found the drink {swimsuit} that works for me and I get the same thing every time and am pleased with the result. Seriously, Land's End has the most amazing swimsuit, and every few years {they usually last at least 3!} I pick out the color and/or pattern and order the swimsuit online. Done and done.

Go check out the link-up for more of Finish This!

Blog Every Day Feb: Day One - My Story

Welcome to February and the Blog Every Day in February challenge! Here's the link from Bailey Jean so you can add your own {hint hint}.

Let's start at the beginning...waiting for the chorus of "the very best place to start" to ring out from the hills. See what I did there?

Like most children, I was born. :) And then my sister was born. And then my next sister was born. And then my next sister was born. And that is how the Fabulous Four came to be. Watch out, Washington!

My parents homeschooled us and I was also involved in a co-op for a few years. Childhood consisted of ballet lessons, bike riding, and book reading {wow, alliteration *pats self on back*}. The summer before 6th grade, my family moved to an island. This was a challenging time for me, as is common for adolescent girls. I didn't know too many other girls experiencing this, though, since after a couple of years on the island, the friends I thought I'd made turned out to not be true friends. 

Cue lifelong best friend. Enter Samara. Yes, we've been best friends since 6th grade :) 

After a couple more years of homeschooling, my parents heard the Lord that we were supposed to move back to the mainland and enroll in my church's private academy. In my teenage wisdom, I refused. And in my parents' wisdom, they ignored me. 

I entered 10th grade awkwardly. Samara was the only person I knew beyond a name-only basis, although I had grown up in Sunday School with the majority of my classmates. Also awkward: there were 2 other girls besides Samara and me, and then 8 guys. Culture shock, anyone? {For those doing the math, yes, that is a sophomore class of 12 students. Did I mention that this school is really small?}

However traumatic those first few months were, I survived. High school eventually became fun and enjoyable, and those stranger-classmates became good friends. Yes, there were ups and downs, but I think that there were more ups. 

senior ladies with just one month before graduation!

Senior year required a thesis paper {25+ pages} on "God's calling for your life." Gulp. I've always been the person who loves a schedule, a plan, the details spelled out. If God and I could sit down and He could tell me the story of my life, I would fill out my calendars in permanent marker and then go on living happily. Unfortunately for us Type As, that's not always how it works, and so I wrestled and cried and struggled and prayed and cried some more. And then God gave me an answer, and so I wrote my thesis. 

Ballet had still been a part of my life throughout this time, and I wanted to keep dancing, but in a different capacity. The answer to my thesis question and the direction of my life at the time was to go to school for physical therapy and then use ballet as therapy for children. This encompassed all my loves of dancing, children, and running a business {and it filled twenty-five pages quite nicely}.

Before I started college, though, I wanted to solidify my relationship with Jesus. My church offered the Master's Commission as a discipleship, leadership, get-to-know-Jesus 11 month school, and I filled out the application nervously. I'd seen "MCs," as students were affectionately referred to, all my life, and I was anxious about what would actually be in store for me.

MC Class of 2007-08

My year in Master's Commission was one of the hardest and best of my life {up to that point}. My 23 classmates and I grew to love Jesus in new ways, and we also grew to love each other. We toured the country in the summer of our year, and that trip is still one of my fondest memories. 

After Master's Commission, I started college. My first two years were spent at a community college {that turned into a four-year college while I was there}. Instead of taking the route of many of my friends and classmates and transferring to the University of Washington {or U-dub as it is called by locals}, I chose instead to go to Berea College in Berea, Kentucky. 

Berea was amazing. My roomie and I really hit it off, and we actually compiled a list of reasons God made us room-mates. Catherine and I chose to stay roomies for our second year, and I'm so grateful for our time together. She and I were both transfer students from out of state, had both been homeschooled, and were both older than the huge flock of freshmen with whom we went through New Student Orientation. 

old people surrounded by freshmen

While attending Berea, I went to church in a nearby town. My church back home was connected to a local church, and so there were a few families who adopted me on the weekends and let me get out of the dorms and back into a family structure for a few days, and I am so, so grateful for both the chance to get off campus and for the relationships with those wonderful people. AJ is my bosom friend from Kentucky, and her family considers me one of their own. So blessed by all of them!

some Kentucky family!

Class of 2012!!

After earning my B.S., I moved back home to Seattle. My parents wanted to hire me at their company, but wanted me to get some experience first. So after a summer at home, I flew to the Frozen Tundra to live with my grandparents and work at an internship. Laurie is my wonderful friend from that experience, and she and I have had some wonderful adventures together {including the thrill of being in the same ice skating rink room as Kristi Yamaguchi as well as the joy of seeing The Lion King on stage.}.

In March 2013, I finished my internship and moved back home again.And then in July, after travelling to Nicaragua, I moved into my own condo! Samara is my flat-mate and the past 6 months {our six month anniversary is on the 3rd!} have been awesome. 

As I type all of this up, I realize that there are so many more facets that could be included, like my passion for the preborn and my volunteering at a crisis pregnancy center, or the way I crochet like an old lady, or my obsession with British television, or that time I dyed the lower half of my hair purple-that-turned-pink, or the way that my sisters and I get together and sit around the table and just laugh the night away. But since this post is already one of the longest I've written, I guess more of this story will have to come later. Feel free to do some stalking reading of earlier posts, and do please say hello if you're here from Bailey Jean's link-up. Until tomorrow!

31 Days of Writing: Day Three "An ode to an article of clothing"

Berea College sweatshirt, how do I love thee? Shall I count the ways?

Your acquisition was an adventure a year ago this day:

As the school climbed the Pinnacle to celebrate the "mountains."

I had to answer a question and in return won you into my possession.

Your warmth I embraced after the sun had set,

and even when some girl in the dorm almost stole you from my grasp,

I did not believe that your would be a one-time hug.



Our love is strong, as is your fabric.

Our love is warm, like the fuzziness that covers your interior.

Our love is clean, like how I keep you {by not taking you to Family Camp}.

Our love is deep, like your front pocket.

Our love is secure, like your place in my closet.

Our love is long, like the history of the College.

O, Berea College sweatshirt, how I do love thee!


**linking up with Victoria's 31 Days of Writing Challenge. Join us here!**

So Many Thoughts

Well, here goes. It feels like I've been thinking I should blog about that for too long, so I'm going to try and get a few thoughts out. Brace yourselves.

1. Dahlia and I have made it official: we are going to Prince Edward Island in August!!!
   
   Woot! We are super excited because a) we got tickets at a GREAT price and b) we found an adorable little inn {Sherwood Inn and Motel-how perfectly quaint and Island-ish!} for a magnificent price AND that has a shuttle to and from the airport! Oh, and yeah, because we found an Anne of Green Gables itinerary. We are totes going. It's ok- you can be jealous. I would be, too!
   
2. Update on the job thingy: I interviewed for 2 Saturday positions, and one I knew wouldn't work out and the other didn't call me back, which was fine because I realized I don't want to be tied to a consistent weekend schedule. So God knew what He was doing {as per usual!}, and actually I interviewed with two different families to babysit and so that will be fabulous. One family will call me eventually {the dad is going to China for a month, so no date nights for a while!}, and I'll be babysitting for the other family for the second time tomorrow. Totes perfect. Thank You Jesus!
   
3. Grandma is getting settled. I think we're all getting more used to each other, and things have been working out pretty well these past few weeks. Again, thank You, Jesus.
   
4. I would really like to blog every day in May like Jen is doing, but May is like the craziest month for me! I leave Saturday to go to the Great Nation of Texas for 5 days, then I'm home for less than a week before I go to the Bluegrass State for work {and play!} for a week. Blogging is highly unlikely this month, let alone every day, so I will do my best to do something fun in June. :)
   
5. This week was my second time volunteering at Care Net. I'm really enjoying it. Technically, I'm still in training, so my 4 hours consist of watching videos that we show clients and reading the volunteer handbook. Still, it's been amazing. The clinic has such an atmosphere of peace and honor and service; I feel God's peace when I'm there. Oh, and crazy thing! The other volunteer who is there for the Thursday afternoon shift -Brandi- is a cousin of one of my friends from Berea! Small world.
   
6. Speaking of this afternoon, I almost passed out today. Yeah... So I don't do needles... or blood or guts or anything that is yucky...as in, I don't like to see them. And I really don't like to hear about any of that.

   

   These lovely Crate and Barrel sheets perfectly matched the color of my face.

   The first time I passed out was in the 4th grade when I found out that my wrist was broken. The pain didn't do it; it was looking at the x-ray {which looked pretty normal, bee tee dubs} and hearing the doctor say, "Here's where the fracture is..." Boom. Down I went.
   So today I was shadowing Brandi's parenting class client, and the video we watched was about the 3rd trimester of pregnancy and then it went into labor and delivery. Now, I've known about the birthing "activities" since I was probably in 2nd grade, but it has always been one of the aforementioned topics that give me the heebie jeebies. I was doing alright with this video, until the narrator started talking about this little surgery-like cut the doctor can make during labor...and so I went into the kitchen and put my head down and waited for blood to return to the upper half of my body. Yep. Second day volunteering, and I have to go lie down in the other counseling room. Awesome.
   
7. I'm excited to go down to Texas next week {technically this week} because I get to see my friend Laurie without having to visit the Frozen Tundra! :) And also because we are planning on watching Season 2 of "Call the Midwife," yet another BBC show that has captured my attention. If you have not seen it, finish what you're doing and go watch it. SO well done. Not like steak. Like a dozen roses...perfection.
   

Well, 7 seems like a good number to end on. I hope that this brings us up-to-date on most items of late... oh, and as for the last post, I think that writing things out and then going to Book Club {a group of us are reading and discussing Lady In Waiting} and talking with the bestie for a good hour afterwards helped me move forward in my thinking. I'm still thinking and praying about things with my parents, and I think God and I are getting closer and I'm comfortable thinking more openly about the future. So, thanks for listening. :) Happy May!

Unexpected Grief

Yesterday I found out that one of my students {from my college job as a TA} died suddenly in his dorm. I don't have many details, just that foul play was not suspected and that the family has been notified.

I didn't know this student extremely well, but I know he was a good student and a nice guy. He wasn't embarrassed when I would say hi to him outside of class, and he was a fairly good writer.

What else can I say? My relationship with him was not close, but I was in close proximity to him for a full semester. I grieve for his family and friends, and for my campus as a whole. Their spring break starts next week; what a somber break it will be for some!

This may sound strange, but when I was driving home last night and talking to Jesus about him, I said Lord, I hope he's with You! And the Lord said he is. At first I didn't know what to think, because I believe that everyone is going to live for eternity; it's just a matter of where you'll be living that you can change.
I thought also that maybe I was answering myself, trying to comfort my shocked brain. But then I thought, well, I'll find out someday. And {although I'm ashamed to admit it} face.book confirmed that this young man identified himself as a Christian, and I think of how sweet God is, that He would tell me this and comfort me, and I think how shameful it is that I believed face.book more readily than the voice of God, and I am humbled by the love and mercy of God that forgives my unbelief.

Please keep this family and community in your prayers.