Not Alone Series: Dating vs. Courtship

{I'm writing this on an airplane as my fellow passengers find their seats. My company has a conference in Texas, so hi-ho, hi-ho, off to The Great Nation of Texas I go.}

It might be easy to say that the pursuit of marriage is the purpose of dating (aka courtship). But, that's not how our culture views dating. Does viewing the person you're dating as a potential spouse add unnecessary pressure on the relationship? In your opinion, is there a difference between dating and courtship? If so, what are those differences?

Wowza, what a great question! I really love this - good job, Jen and Morgan!

Short answer, since I'm on a plane and got up at 3:30 this morning: I wouldn't date anyone that I couldn't see myself marrying. That doesn't mean that I wouldn't go on a date with someone unless I knew he was The One, but I wouldn't go out with him unless there was a possibility. 

That being said, I think considering someone an "option" is different than considering that person The One. I think some NAS girls have mentioned Cindy's "3 Date Rule," and I really appreciate it (that is, if I'm thinking of the right rule!). Go out with a guy if he asks and you're interested, but don't start a relationship with him unless he is an actual option for a husband.

Personally, I feel pressure on myself to know my list of character qualities I'm looking for, because a guy can be really fun and awesome and interested, but if he lacks my non-negotiables, I couldn't enter into a relationship with him. 

That's all I've got, folks. Join Jen and Morgan for the link-up!

Not Alone Series: Online Dating

Linking up with Jen at Jumping in Puddles and Morgan at Follow and Believe - join the fun!

Not all of us have jumped into the world of online dating, but many of us have! What are those things that we should AND that we shouldn't do?! If someone you know is considering online dating, how would you encourage him/her? What advice do you have?

Well, I fall into that very first category of "haven't jumped" and so I inquired as to a prompt for those in my boat. Morgan suggested I share why I haven't jumped in, my perceptions, if I know anyone else who's tried it, etc. So here goes.

I have not tried online dating, and I am not saying that I never will. I know several people who married someone they met online, and I know other people who haven't had good experiences. We all know people who love it and people who hate it, don't we?

Right now, online dating not something I want to do, but I've taken the goal of online dating {meeting new people} and looked for other ways to accomplish that goal. How do I meet new people? I have to try new things!

With that in mind, I've attempted to be more open about new adventures. When my new flatmate said she was going ballroom dancing with some people from her work, I joined her {and had a blast!}. When my friend says she wants to go to a different church's hang-out, I put it on my calendar and join her {it's still on the calendar}. When I'm at Notions and there are new people, I hand them some apple crisp and introduce myself {surest way to make new friends: feed them!}.

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I say that the goal of online dating is to make new friends, which maybe is a little strange. Personally, having new friends as my goal keeps things simple and helps me not focus so much on a relationship status. My focus is not on "finding a husband" but rather on building relationships with the people God connects me to, and right now that means being willing to try new things and meet new people. 

What's your online dating experience? Would you recommend it, based on your own experience or a friend's?

Not Alone Series: Dating Dos and Don'ts

Joining the link-up fun with Jen at Jumping in Puddles and Morgan at Follow and Believe. Shout-out to my good friend Dahlia who also joined the link-up this week!

What are those things we should be doing and the things we shouldn't be doing? They can be from the physical parts {clothes to wear, places to go, things to say} or emotional parts {talking about it all the time, planning the future, etc.}. We can all learn something in hindsight, so what are your tips to share?

First of all, you should know that I have been on a grand total of one and only one date. It was really fun, but that's all that happened, so yeah. Not Alone Series, thank you for this prompt, because some days {read: today} I really need reminded that I'm not alone!

Do this!

• Do...expect to be treated like a princess. Dates reveal how the gentleman will treat you in the future, so set your expectations high. Does he open doors for you? Did he pay? Does he pay attention to you?
• Do...be flexible. The gentleman who asked me out didn't get his work schedule until a few days before, and then plans got changed after the fact. Roll with the punches!
• Do...ask questions. My friend Laurie and I went through a box of "conversation cards" when we worked together, and I was so glad to have a few unusual questions in my arsenal. If you don't know the gentleman very well, almost any question will spark a conversation {favorite book? education history? relationship with siblings? favorite past-time?}.

Don't do this!

• Don't...be afraid to set conversation boundaries. There are probably some personal details that you feel comfortable sharing, and then there are the details that you aren't comfortable sharing, and that's wonderful. This happened to me: we were having a lovely conversation, but he asked a question that, for me, was sharing too much. I didn't even have to say that I didn't want to answer; the gentleman read the hesitancy in my face and he apologized for asking. I appreciated both his interest in my life and his sensitivity to my boundaries.
• Don't...feel like you have to know if he's The One after the first date. Especially if you're newly acquainted, give the relationship {friendship and friendlier-ship} some time. There are things you may not know about him yet, so don't feel like you have to know after just a few dates.
• Don't...blame yourself if the first date is all that happens. My pastor and high school instructor always said there are three parts of a relationship: the right person in the right way at the right time. Don't force it or freak out if the relationship doesn't have all three parts. I'd rather have God's man in His way at His time than my own efforts. 

Thanks again, Morgan and Jen and fellow NAS-ers. This community and your support means so much. I thank God for you!

Blog Every Day Feb: Day Twenty-four - Guest Post

Linking up with Bailey Jean for an exciting guest post! Side note: I've been using the Blogger app on my phone and it is sorta dumb in that it publishes posts to the date you started the post, not the date you hit publish. That's why these past few posts have been showing up in odd ways. If anyone knows how to remedy this, please help a sister out!

Guest post by my college roomie Catherine! Catherine is a wonderful friend, a talented writer, the queen of dry humor (as you'll see), an unashamed nerd, and an all-around cool person to know. She and I met for the first time moving into our teensy dorm room, and we had so much fun that we opted to do it all over again our second year :) Catherine is a gem, and I'm excited for you all to hear from her!

Loving the Command for Purity

Eph. 5: 1-3 Therefore be imitators of God, as beloved children. 2 And walk in love, as Christ loved us and gave himself up for us, a fragrant offering and sacrifice to God.

3 But sexual immorality and all impurity or covetousness must not even be named among you, as is proper among saints.4 Let there be no filthiness nor foolish talk nor crude joking, which are out of place, but instead let there be thanksgiving.

Hi, I am Catherine and I'm nearly 29 years old and have never been on a date. No grand stance on my part, just no one has asked and life stuff took over. But by the grace of God I am saving myself for my future husband (who may or may not be the first person I date). The path of purity is a tough one, no mistake. We live in a sex saturated culture and someone who continues to save themselves for their future spouse is seen as an anomaly. They are responded to with disbelief and sometimes, awe. Kind of like Big Foot, and the older you get the more like Big Foot you become--in rarity, not in resemblance hopefully. 

At times the road of purity seems too difficult to walk and it's easy to believe that God is being cruel by telling you to live a chaste life. It's easy to believe that He is keeping something vital to your well being away from you. It sometimes seems that He is telling you not to be human because sexuality is part of our humanity. It's easy to believe all this because all the signals we get from the world tell us this--you are being denied something incredible. 

And yet we are given the command of purity.

But before we take a closer look at that command let's look at the greatest commandment--love God with all your heart, soul, and mind (Luke 10:27). When we fully understand and accept the gospel it is easy to love God just as the above verses say--He gave Himself up for us. We love God because He loved us when we didn't deserve it. Because we understand the gospel we can follow this command and even love it. When we love God we love His commandments because His commandments come from God Himself. The command to love Him gets that much easier. 

Now the command for purity can work the same way--we love God because He saved us and we can love purity because it came from God. He already gave us everything we need--Jesus--and loving God is for our benefit and we love purity because yet again, it is for our benefit. When we love God's commands it is so much easier to follow them. Instead of looking at the command for purity as a harsh yoke around the neck we can love it and see it as a precious gift. This gift can be given to your spouse or be kept for yourself and seen as something that keeps you from the pain that comes from indulging in sin. 

We can lift our head up, not in pride, but in total assurance that we can boldly approach the throne of God and say that we have loved Him.

If for whatever reason you have not kept the command of purity, KNOW that God is a God second chances (He has given me plenty) and His grace is ever flowing (and I live by it everyday). You can still love His command for purity--from here on out and by God's grace you can live a life of purity. Love God and then you can love the command--see how it changes the way you look at it? It is something precious instead of burdensome.

The Lion King

As promised, here is the post that describes my fun and amazing time at The Lion King.

First of all, what would a great theater date be without a great dinner beforehand? So, L and I went to Chick-fil-A for dinner. Heck yes we did. We got it to-go and brought it home to enjoy with my grandparents , which they loved. They had never had it before! What!? Say it ain't so! Sad but true, so L and I remedied that right away.

After our lovely dinner, L and I got dolled up and headed downtown. Our seats were really good, and our anticipation grew.

Oh. My. Word. The first scene was incredible. I got chills twice within the first few notes of the opening song. Wow.

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This isn't the best picture, but it was the only one with the elephant, and that was my favorite part. This picture doesn't do it justice either, so just know it was about one zillion times more amazing than this picture shows.

Also, the giraffes were awesome. If I was going to be one of these animals, I would definitely go for giraffe.

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I know, I'm going on and on about the opening scene, but seriously, it was beyond belief. One last picture, I promise!

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This was the part that gave me chills, when Rafiki sang those first few notes of the song we all know so well. Also notice here in the background the dancer holding the antelopes. One of the coolest parts was how the actors and dancers used their bodies as part of the prop, since the focus was supposed to be their costume. The antelopes leaped just like the real ones do. Za Zu is really the best example of this {sorry, one more picture!}

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Obviously it's a guy running around with a bird, but the way he did it was astounding.

If you have the chance to go, go! It will totally be worth it. Even though you know the story and the songs, go, because the costumes and the dancing and the theater setting will blow your mind.

Oh yeah just one minor unrelated thing: SHERLOCK SEASON THREE STARTS FILMING TODAY!

                                      source...and a great read if you're interested

Now try and carry on with your lives like nothing has happened-ha!