Today was my last Sunday at my home church. My last worship with familiar songs and singers, my last announcements in the traditional and not-so-traditional way, my last message with my amazing senior pastor. Oh, it was bittersweet.
After the service, my dad and I went to the front of the sanctuary to get prayer for me and this phase of my life. My senior pastor, my MC director, and my former teacher and current pastor prayed for me. It was truly amazing, because these men of God prayed for me exactly what my heart has been crying out for in regards to this journey. They prayed that I would change the campus, instead of the campus changing me. They prayed that I would remain firm in my identity as a confident, outgoing woman of God. They prayed that I would become a deep, connected part of the church body near my school, and that I would always remember “the rock from which I was cut” and remember my roots at my home church. They prayed that I would press deeper into the Lord as I experience all the new things that I’m going to experience.
And with those prayers, I feel a finality come over me. It wasn’t entirely real to me until today. Even at a week left, I was still in a little bit of a haze about the reality of my leaving. But now that I've been prayed for and sent, and that I've said goodbye and “see you at Family Camp" to almost everyone I know, it’s really real to me. And I don’t know how I feel about that.
My BFF is deeply saddened, and I’m sorry to leave her. My parents are more quiet about me leaving; they make comments here and there so I know they do feel it, but I’m honestly dreading next Sunday. I know that there will be tears on both ends, and I think my parents and I are all the kind of people who cry more when they see other people cry, as if we weren't crying enough by ourselves!
And to top this all off, this evening I saw my grandparents for the last time before Christmas. As I wrote about previously, my grandpa has Alzheimer’s, so it’s difficult to say goodbye. And my grandma has been so incredible and strong, and I had to say goodbye to her, and it just about killed me. If I didn’t have a friend over, I probably would have gone to my room and sobbed.
So as much as I’m excited for this new adventure, I’m dreading saying goodbye. Wednesday night and Sunday night are going to be the hardest… I really don’t know how I’m going to get up the next morning and keep going. BUT GOD is good, and so I know that, somehow, I will get up and keep going.
On that happy note, I’m going to finish this post and go read Les Miserables. Ironic, I know. I’m not miserable, though. Just missing people…goodbye for now.
Sunday, August 15, 2010
Thursday, August 12, 2010
Down to a Week…
Alright, readers, the countdown is down to seven days. In one week, I’ll be boarding a plane for a far-away place. In a week from Saturday, I will meet my room-mate. Woot! And in a week from Sunday, I will say goodbye to my parents and watch them drive to the airport to board the plane home…without me. And in two weeks from today, I’ll start classes at my new school.
Alright, I admit: I’m scared. Not just nervous-excited, but good ol’ fashioned petrified. Terrified. Scared stiff. Worried. Concerned. Horrified. Trembling. Shaking in my boots. Dreading next Thursday, and pretty much everything that comes after it.
But at the same time, I’m so excited to see what God does! I’m excited to meet new people, make new friends, be considered the girl with the funny accent! I’m thrilled to have a dorm-room experience, to have a job on-campus, to be considerate of time zones when I call home. I’m excited to unpack my suitcases, to put pictures on the wall instead of taking them off.
Yes, I’m definitely going to miss my family and my friends and my church and the weather here at home. But simultaneously (if possible) I am filled with anticipation of what God is going to do on campus. I can’t wait for the revival that I know is going to be started, just by being a Burning One for Him. I can’t wait to have those deep, intense, tear-filled conversations with people as we struggle together and come to know Truth. Aughghghgh!!! I can barely wait!
Thank you for your prayers, readers! I’m grateful for you, and I am so excited to begin blogging about this new phase of life!
Alright, I admit: I’m scared. Not just nervous-excited, but good ol’ fashioned petrified. Terrified. Scared stiff. Worried. Concerned. Horrified. Trembling. Shaking in my boots. Dreading next Thursday, and pretty much everything that comes after it.
But at the same time, I’m so excited to see what God does! I’m excited to meet new people, make new friends, be considered the girl with the funny accent! I’m thrilled to have a dorm-room experience, to have a job on-campus, to be considerate of time zones when I call home. I’m excited to unpack my suitcases, to put pictures on the wall instead of taking them off.
Yes, I’m definitely going to miss my family and my friends and my church and the weather here at home. But simultaneously (if possible) I am filled with anticipation of what God is going to do on campus. I can’t wait for the revival that I know is going to be started, just by being a Burning One for Him. I can’t wait to have those deep, intense, tear-filled conversations with people as we struggle together and come to know Truth. Aughghghgh!!! I can barely wait!
Thank you for your prayers, readers! I’m grateful for you, and I am so excited to begin blogging about this new phase of life!
Wednesday, August 11, 2010
End of the Book
I finished my summer reading today. It took me less than 24 hours to read, and I don’t know if I’m glad that I finished it. It was a good story, and the characters were well-developed. It’s the story of a ten-year-old boy in the summer of 1976. His dad is back from fighting in Vietnam, and his aunt was a war-protester, so there is some friction there. His father has nightmares of the war, and times when the war comes back and takes over him, so to speak. That was a confusing time period, and as a ten-year-old, Eli has some keen insights into the adult world.
I’m glad I finished it. I can’t say that I thoroughly enjoyed it, but it was a good, well-told story. It made me think, so I can respect it for that. I don’t agree with the author’s worldview… too much emphasis on the trees “speaking.” At the end of the book, Eli protests the Iraq war, and I don’t agree with protestors. But then as I think on it, I guess I don’t dislike his protest so much as I disagree with what he was protesting.
I’m grateful that Americans have the rights to express differing beliefs… I differ with the author on this one.
If you would like to read this book, please let me know, and I’ll loan it to you. But hurry: you’ve only got 8 days!
I’m glad I finished it. I can’t say that I thoroughly enjoyed it, but it was a good, well-told story. It made me think, so I can respect it for that. I don’t agree with the author’s worldview… too much emphasis on the trees “speaking.” At the end of the book, Eli protests the Iraq war, and I don’t agree with protestors. But then as I think on it, I guess I don’t dislike his protest so much as I disagree with what he was protesting.
I’m grateful that Americans have the rights to express differing beliefs… I differ with the author on this one.
If you would like to read this book, please let me know, and I’ll loan it to you. But hurry: you’ve only got 8 days!
Summer Reading
Yesterday, I received in the mail a book from my new college. It’s called Eli the Good by Silas House. It’s rather interesting so far… there’s nothing wrong with it, per se. It just leaves a bad taste in your mouth, mentally, you know? I’m in the 4th or 5th chapter, and already there’s been a few scenes where I read a line and then stopped and considered just shutting the book right then. Finally, I just shut the book and picked up Les Miserables, the classic by Victor Hugo. I needed some redemption in my mind!
I asked the Lord about the summer reading book this morning, and He told me that it’s practice for when I go to school. Things aren’t going to necessarily be bad or good, but they’re ok. He told me that I need to know that He is speaking and listening all the time, so at any point while reading, I can pause and get His perspective. He also told me that I’ll probably want to declare His Blood over my mind after each reading, and that’s what I plan on doing.
One of the things that bothers me about this book is that the sentences are not totally clear. They’re not easy to follow, which makes reading it more laborious. Also, the book is written in the typical American style, and other than Mark Twain and Laura Ingalls Wilder, I can’t say that I’m a fan of the American style. Sorry, USA, but it’s true.
Here’s my goal: not just to finish the book, but to finish it and have Father’s perspective and answers to the issues the book raises, and then be able to discuss His answers with the other students who have read it. Who knows, I may even be able to discuss His perspective with Mr. Silas House himself, since I’ll have the opportunity to meet him at Student Orientation next week.
Golly, it’s next week. This is my last weekend at home…I keep saying “last” like I’m never coming back, but in reality, it’s just for 4 months at a time, for 2 years. I can so handle 4 semesters! If my God is for me, then who can stand against me?
I asked the Lord about the summer reading book this morning, and He told me that it’s practice for when I go to school. Things aren’t going to necessarily be bad or good, but they’re ok. He told me that I need to know that He is speaking and listening all the time, so at any point while reading, I can pause and get His perspective. He also told me that I’ll probably want to declare His Blood over my mind after each reading, and that’s what I plan on doing.
One of the things that bothers me about this book is that the sentences are not totally clear. They’re not easy to follow, which makes reading it more laborious. Also, the book is written in the typical American style, and other than Mark Twain and Laura Ingalls Wilder, I can’t say that I’m a fan of the American style. Sorry, USA, but it’s true.
Here’s my goal: not just to finish the book, but to finish it and have Father’s perspective and answers to the issues the book raises, and then be able to discuss His answers with the other students who have read it. Who knows, I may even be able to discuss His perspective with Mr. Silas House himself, since I’ll have the opportunity to meet him at Student Orientation next week.
Golly, it’s next week. This is my last weekend at home…I keep saying “last” like I’m never coming back, but in reality, it’s just for 4 months at a time, for 2 years. I can so handle 4 semesters! If my God is for me, then who can stand against me?
Monday, August 9, 2010
Ten Days
Ten Days. In 10 days, I'll be flying to my new home, 1,300 miles away. I can't believe it's this soon!
Everything felt close when I started my countdown at 30 days...10 days seems like tomorrow! Most of my belongings that are staying here are already packed. Today, in order to get some headway on my closet, I pulled out a suitcase and began packing winter clothing that I obviously won't need for a few more months. I'll have to pack the rest of my clothes the day or so before I leave, because I don't want to live out of a suitcase in my own room. So that will happen probably Tuesday or Wednesday of next week...gosh, I can't believe how time has flown by!
On Saturday, my mom and sister and I went to Macy's to shop their big sale. I got two gorgeous tops, a long sweater, and then two t-shirts to wear under tops that need just a little more fabric. I feel pretty well prepared, except for shoes. I'm sorely lacking in the sandal department! Flip-flops are about all I have in abundance...I'm not sure I can live in those all the time, though. We'll see.
I don't know if I'll have the guts, time, or desire to write anything more between now and The Big Day, but I promise to update you once I get settled. Thanks for your patience and your prayers!
Everything felt close when I started my countdown at 30 days...10 days seems like tomorrow! Most of my belongings that are staying here are already packed. Today, in order to get some headway on my closet, I pulled out a suitcase and began packing winter clothing that I obviously won't need for a few more months. I'll have to pack the rest of my clothes the day or so before I leave, because I don't want to live out of a suitcase in my own room. So that will happen probably Tuesday or Wednesday of next week...gosh, I can't believe how time has flown by!
On Saturday, my mom and sister and I went to Macy's to shop their big sale. I got two gorgeous tops, a long sweater, and then two t-shirts to wear under tops that need just a little more fabric. I feel pretty well prepared, except for shoes. I'm sorely lacking in the sandal department! Flip-flops are about all I have in abundance...I'm not sure I can live in those all the time, though. We'll see.
I don't know if I'll have the guts, time, or desire to write anything more between now and The Big Day, but I promise to update you once I get settled. Thanks for your patience and your prayers!
Thursday, August 5, 2010
EEG
Today, I went to a doctor's office and had an EEG.
Now, first of all, do not ask me what EEG stands for; I only know what it does and feels like. I have no idea if EEG is an acronym, and abbreviation, or something doctors say just to sound cool. But I can tell you how my EEG went, and what it felt like.
The lady asked me to lie down on the table, and to flip my hair over the pillow. She asked me why I was getting an EEG, and as I told my story, she began marking my face, scalp, and chest with what I assumed to be marker. She then followed each of those marks with some cold, gunky paste, and then the small circle of rubber attached to wires. This whole process took several minutes, with her turning my head to one side and then another in order to mark up and attach what felt like my entire skull.
Once that was finished, she told me that I would have to not talk, keep my eyes closed, and not fall asleep! No problem...right. I lay there for a while, and every few minutes, she would say "Open your eyes. Now close them please." Then she told me, "Ok, I need to to hyperventilate. Ready, go!" And so I began what I assumed was hyperventilation: breathing fast and hard, but not getting enough oxygen for a while. After what felt like forever but was probably only a minute, she told me "Too hard! Slow down please." So I slowed down and waited for her to tell me to stop.
After an eternity, she told me "Good job! You're halfway done!" And I thought, "Halfway!??!?! What the crap??" So I kept going, and then she FINALLY told me to stop. But little did I know, after the hyperventilation is worse than actually doing it.
My body felt like it was in motion; my left hand and forearm went numb and tingly; my head felt as if I was shaking it violently back and forth. Oh, it was bad! But then it got WORSE! She had to flash the strobe light on my face, to see what my brain would do then. I thought it was just going to be the one series of FLASH...FLASH...FLASH. Done. WRONG! It would flash faster, and behind my eyes, it looked like there were two giant circular saws closing in on my face. And then there would be darkness. Phew, I thought, it's over. Wrong again!
The flashes continued for probably five minutes, and each blurred image behind my eyes would be more and more painful, and the blessed relief in between lights was only a tease. FINALLY it was over! Then more aftershocks. My head felt like I was falling backwards; my arm was still numb, and my right arm seemed to be waving back and forth. My legs felt like they were on the "very dry" cycle of a laundry dryer. All I wanted to do was shut my eyes and lie down...and then I realized I had my eyes shut and I was already lying down. Yes, it sucked.
Then it was over. She turned on the lights again, and got a warm washcloth to wipe my face and hair as she pulled the wires off and cleaned the gunk off of me. She recommended I shower. Um, duh? Just a little.
The only real downside was that she knew, right then and there, if I was having sub-clinical seizures or not, but she couldn't tell me. She had to send the results to my doctor and they would discuss it, and then my doctor would call me. So after all that torture, I have to wait to find out what my poor brain is doing. But oh well. It made for an interesting post, didn't it? :)
Now, first of all, do not ask me what EEG stands for; I only know what it does and feels like. I have no idea if EEG is an acronym, and abbreviation, or something doctors say just to sound cool. But I can tell you how my EEG went, and what it felt like.
The lady asked me to lie down on the table, and to flip my hair over the pillow. She asked me why I was getting an EEG, and as I told my story, she began marking my face, scalp, and chest with what I assumed to be marker. She then followed each of those marks with some cold, gunky paste, and then the small circle of rubber attached to wires. This whole process took several minutes, with her turning my head to one side and then another in order to mark up and attach what felt like my entire skull.
Once that was finished, she told me that I would have to not talk, keep my eyes closed, and not fall asleep! No problem...right. I lay there for a while, and every few minutes, she would say "Open your eyes. Now close them please." Then she told me, "Ok, I need to to hyperventilate. Ready, go!" And so I began what I assumed was hyperventilation: breathing fast and hard, but not getting enough oxygen for a while. After what felt like forever but was probably only a minute, she told me "Too hard! Slow down please." So I slowed down and waited for her to tell me to stop.
After an eternity, she told me "Good job! You're halfway done!" And I thought, "Halfway!??!?! What the crap??" So I kept going, and then she FINALLY told me to stop. But little did I know, after the hyperventilation is worse than actually doing it.
My body felt like it was in motion; my left hand and forearm went numb and tingly; my head felt as if I was shaking it violently back and forth. Oh, it was bad! But then it got WORSE! She had to flash the strobe light on my face, to see what my brain would do then. I thought it was just going to be the one series of FLASH...FLASH...FLASH. Done. WRONG! It would flash faster, and behind my eyes, it looked like there were two giant circular saws closing in on my face. And then there would be darkness. Phew, I thought, it's over. Wrong again!
The flashes continued for probably five minutes, and each blurred image behind my eyes would be more and more painful, and the blessed relief in between lights was only a tease. FINALLY it was over! Then more aftershocks. My head felt like I was falling backwards; my arm was still numb, and my right arm seemed to be waving back and forth. My legs felt like they were on the "very dry" cycle of a laundry dryer. All I wanted to do was shut my eyes and lie down...and then I realized I had my eyes shut and I was already lying down. Yes, it sucked.
Then it was over. She turned on the lights again, and got a warm washcloth to wipe my face and hair as she pulled the wires off and cleaned the gunk off of me. She recommended I shower. Um, duh? Just a little.
The only real downside was that she knew, right then and there, if I was having sub-clinical seizures or not, but she couldn't tell me. She had to send the results to my doctor and they would discuss it, and then my doctor would call me. So after all that torture, I have to wait to find out what my poor brain is doing. But oh well. It made for an interesting post, didn't it? :)
Tuesday, August 3, 2010
Roomie!
Yesterday, I "met" my room-mate over the phone! It was so exciting!
I think that we get along great... well, at least we had a great 23 minute conversation! :)
Based on that 23 minute conversation, I think we compliment each other pretty well, and I'm so excited to meet her on Saturday, August 21st. That's when we'll see our room, too, so it will be a giant culmination of anticipation in one small room! I can't wait! We're both transfer students and both juniors. We both love Jesus. We were both homeschooled, and both of our jobs were taking care of children. Neither of us have lived terribly far from our families, so hopefully we'll be able to bawl our eyes out together and then cheer each other with laughing fits.
On Facebook, we're asking each other questions back and forth so we can get to know each other a bit before we start school. I loved doing this a few years ago with some of my MC classmates, and even with one question asked and answered, I feel like I know my roomie a bit better. I'll keep you posted about this amazing transition time.
Based on that 23 minute conversation, I think we compliment each other pretty well, and I'm so excited to meet her on Saturday, August 21st. That's when we'll see our room, too, so it will be a giant culmination of anticipation in one small room! I can't wait! We're both transfer students and both juniors. We both love Jesus. We were both homeschooled, and both of our jobs were taking care of children. Neither of us have lived terribly far from our families, so hopefully we'll be able to bawl our eyes out together and then cheer each other with laughing fits.
On Facebook, we're asking each other questions back and forth so we can get to know each other a bit before we start school. I loved doing this a few years ago with some of my MC classmates, and even with one question asked and answered, I feel like I know my roomie a bit better. I'll keep you posted about this amazing transition time.
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